Never Easy
by silvergray1358
Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Never Easy

Rating: M overall

Pairing: Royxed, but mainly Elricest

Genre: Romance, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort... that sounds like a terrible combination 0_0

Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?

Warnings: Mature content, language, and violence in later chapters.

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. *sobs in corner*

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_Author's Note: Alrighty, I wanted to write a really long fic. Normally, I can't stand reading chapter fics, I just have no tolerance for them. But I thought, maybe if I write one, I'll enjoy it more. So here is my attempt. I'm not sure how many chapters it's going to be… but I've got some crazy plot points I need to cover, so it might be a quite a bit. Oh, and it's going to be full of angst =D. *side note* I used a quote by Stephen King. I just loved it when I read it, so I had to use it. Props to him. I hope you enjoy the story. _

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_Things are never easy. I learned that when my mother died when I was still just a little child. My younger brother and I decided that we would bring her back. I loved my mom and brother with all my heart. So when I was about to lose everything that ever was important to me, I gave up what little I had left. Using my right arm as material, I bound my brother's soul to a suit of armor after a transmutation gone horribly wrong. Now, without a left leg and right arm, I laid dying on the hard cement floor of the basement in our house. My body was screaming in pain, but even then I could feel that starting to slip away too as my flesh began to pale and grow colder. The only thing that I remember after that was Al's new, heavy, metal arms picking me up off the ground. I knew that I had managed to save him; although "saving" might not be the best word after what I had done to him in the first place. It was my fault that the suit of armor that held me was empty. It was my fault that the creature shrieking and gurgling in the center of the room was created. We had failed to bring our mother back; and lost so much more than we had ever imagined possible. But then again, as they say, God always punishes us for what we can't imagine. _

_I don't remember anything after that. I don't remember Al rushing me to Aunt Pinako's house in the pouring rain. I don't remember hearing him begging her to save me; that I was dying. I don't remember crying out in my sleep that I was sorry, that I never meant to hurt him, that I would do anything to make things right for my brother. _

_It was easy for me to decide on the automail. I knew what I had to do. I knew that whatever it took, I had to fix the horrendous mess that I had made. I knew that until Al was back in his body, I would never forgive myself; if I ever did at all. And there was no way I would have been able to do that lugging around a couple of stumps. Thinking back on that night, I often ask myself whether I would do it all over again. Of course, my mind immediately says no, for Al's sake. It would have been better for us to deal with our grief, instead of adding so much more on to that pile. But then, that evil part inside of me asks, "_But then Al wouldn't need you. You probably wouldn't be this close. All those years of travelling together never would have happened. Maybe the death of your mother and the hatred for your father would have driven you two apart. What would you do without him_?" I would never, ever tell Al these thoughts, but I couldn't help but listen to that voice inside my head. The selfishness inside my heart always left me loathing my actions. Like I said, things are never easy. Why should my hypotheticals be any different? _

"Are you ready Brother?" Al asks. I can hear his voice shake a bit as it echoes inside of that metal container. I snap out of my thoughts and realize that I had been crying. I wipe the tear that had betrayed me and slipped pass my defenses. I had built this wall ever since that night, and I wasn't about to let Al see me with it down now. Not today. Not when everything we ever worked for was right in front of us. Thankfully my back had been turned to the door that he had just walked through. I turned around, my head still bowed because I was too worried that my eyes would give away the fear wrecking my body. Sure that my voice would betray me as well, I simply nodded and lead us out of the room that we had been sharing the past five months in the military dorms, and down the hall.

The walk seemed to take forever, but that might have been because every time my heart pumped in my chest, I thought it was going to be the last time. I don't even remember telling my legs to move me, but they did, and soon we reached a set of double doors with Roy Mustang standing in front of them. He nodded quickly when he saw us and pushed the doors open for us. We walked inside. The room was one of the military's ballrooms. It was empty of decorations, music, and food now, and the silence seemed to shake even though there was a gaggle of people inside. I saw Hawkeye near the center of the room with Havoc standing a few paces behind her. Against one of the walls were about five nurses from the hospital down the block. Mustang had hand-picked them himself, reassuring me that they could be trusted. I didn't really see all these things though. What I noticed was the giant transmutation circle that I had asked Roy to draw on the floor in the middle of the room. It looked perfect. I felt my stomach lurch.

Roy took a step closer to me. "Edw- Fullmetal, can I speak to you alone for a second?" he asked, turning his head towards Al. Al simply bowed and walked over to the nurses, running over the plan with them for the millionth time. His metal feet created resounding clangs that seem to reverberate continuously in the huge room. I watched him quietly talk to the women. I didn't want to pull my eyes off of him, but Mustang grabbed me by the shoulder and jerked my attention back to him.

"Edward, everything's ready. The transmutation circle, the nurses, the medical equipment; it's all perfect. Are you ready?" he whispered to me. Al's same question resonated in my head. My throat choked up, so instead I nodded. His eyes seemed to soften as he looked into mine. He ran his hand down the side of my face. It was supposed to calm me down, but I wish he hadn't done it. Not with Al just a few feet away.

"Please…" I whispered as I took a step away from him. I saw his face harden, putting up his own defenses again. I was one of the few people he ever let see him without it up. The thought made my stomach lurch again. I didn't need this right now. I had to concentrate.

He straightened up and I heard him sigh. "Anytime you're ready, Fullmetal," he said, gesturing towards the circle. He took his place a few steps from the outside of the array with Hawkeye and Havoc. All of their faces looked the same; serious, focused, and yet sorrowful at the same time. I turned around as I heard Al walk over to me. The nurses had moved to the outside of the array as well, this time on the opposite side as the others. Great, an audience. Al took my hand with his and walked us over to the edge as well. My hand was so small compared to his gloved one. Even though I had grown a lot over the years, I still had to crane my neck to look up at his steel face.

"Are you ready Al?" it was my turn to ask. Everyone kept asking those three words, but no matter how many times they were said, I don't think any of us could have been completely ready. But Al nodded his head. He knelt down and hugged me. It was a little too hard, but I didn't say anything to him about it. He finally let go and stood up. He started to make his way to the center of the transmutation circle.

"Al—"I interrupted. He stopped, and turned around to face me. "You know… you know I love you right?" I asked. My voice had wavered horribly, making me sound like I was 6 again. But I didn't care, I had to know.

He chuckled softly, and the sound warmed my heart, shaking away just a little bit of the terror. "Of course I do Brother." That's all he said and then laid down in the middle of the array.

I adjusted my feet so that they were lined up right at the edge of the design, shoulder length apart. My arms were by my sides, feeling like they weighed a hundred pounds each. I closed my eyes and emptied my mind of all extraneous thoughts. The Philosopher's Stone inside of my brother's suit of armor, connected to his soul, the array, compositions, alchemic formulas…the Gate, all flowed continuously in my mind. I exhaled deeply and raised my arms to chest height. Still focusing, I clapped my hands together; one made of steel, bolts, and electrical cables; the other made of skin, bones, and veins. The differences between them didn't matter though. The energy inside my body started to flow. With one more thought, I bent down and placed my opposing hands on the array.

_"Al."_

A bright blue light filled the room. It was so intense, more vivid than any other light from any other transmutation I had done. I thought that it was going to blind me, even through my closed eyelids. With all my heart and mind, I focused on Al's body. On pulling it back from the Gate. I could feel the energy being sapped from me ridiculously fast, but I kept pushing; harder and harder than ever. I could feel my heart beating throughout my whole body, but soon I realized that it was actually two hearts beating simultaneously. Before I knew what happened, the light began to fade. The natural glow from the setting sun outside crept back into the room. I opened my eyes, but everything was blurry. I could hear people started to rush around. The nurses were ushering commands to one another. I couldn't figure out what was happening though. I was vaguely aware as my knees smacked against the floor, followed by my flesh shoulder. Arms picked me up off the floor and onto someone's lap.

"Edward….Ed?" someone asked. The voice was somewhat frantic. They started to tap the side of my face lightly. I couldn't see anything though; my eyes had rolled into the back of my head. I was begging my lungs to expand, to let some oxygen into my burning veins, to push away the dizziness in my head. My heart beat was shallow, barely there. My muscles tried to twitch, fighting off death.

"Alphonse…" I gasped, using what little air I had left in my lungs. That was all I said before I passed out in Roy Mustang's lap, oblivious to the chaos surrounding us as the nurses carried a body out on a stretcher to the hospital.

Things are never easy.

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_Author's Note: LE GASP! What's going to happened? Yeah, that's a little too dramatic. Anywhoozer…I'm going to do that horribly selfish thingy when I'm only going to post the next chapter after so many reviews. *gets on knees and begs* Please? I just want 2. *makes puppy dog eyes* Cookies to anyone that does :D Peace. _


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Never Easy

Rating: M overall

Pairing: Royxed, but mainly Elricest

Genre: Romance, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort... that sounds like a terrible combination 0_0

Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?

Warnings: Mature content, language, and violence in later chapters.

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. *sobs in corner*

_Author's Note: Alrighty, just like promised, here's the next chapter. This one is a little longer than the last one, and I'm sorry if it ends sort of awkwardly; I couldn't find a good place to stop. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. _

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"Brother, how many times do I have to tell you not to sleep with your stomach out? You're going to catch a cold like that!" Al asked, exasperatedly. He leaned over the side of the bed and shook me gently. "Brother… you have to wake up. It's already noon and the Colonel invited us over for dinner tonight, remember?"

I gurgled something incomprehensible as I tried to curl up tighter into a ball in the blankets. Al knew my tricks though. "No you don't!" he teased before whipping the blankets off the bed. It was somewhat cool in the room and I was just in my shorts. I groaned and flailed a bit in the bed. An evil plan popped into my head. "Al… you know what this means right?" I asked, laying on my side, my back still to him.

"…what?" he inquired timidly. I could pick up a little worry in his voice.

I paused for a long time, letting the tension build. Finally I yelled, "PAYBACK!" And at the same time, I flipped over and grabbed him by the waist, pulling him onto the bed. He was so taken off guard that he fell easily on top of me. Perfect. Before he could protest, I started tickling him relentlessly. He squeaked loudly and started to squeal nonsense words and feeble protests for me to stop between bouts of hysterical laughter. Oh, but I wasn't going to let him get out of this that easily. I flipped us over so that I was on top and in that better position, my fingers continued to tickle his sides and armpits. He was trying desperately to escape, but my legs held him pinned down. Finally, with tears rolling down his face and panting hard from laughing so hard, I decided that he suffered enough. I rested my hands on either side of his head and waited for him to catch his breath. After a few minutes, he calmed down, and with a smile on his face, he play-punched me in the ribs.

"You're a jerk. You know that right?" he said to me giggling.

"Of course, that's what big brother's do." I said in a matter of fact tone of voice. Al's face was flushed slightly and there was such joy in his eyes. His bangs hung slightly in his eyes despite the fact the rest of his hair was rather short; just like when we were kids. Before I knew what I was doing, I leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead. He was just too cute. A look of surprise took over his face and I heard him gasp slightly.

"_What the fuck Ed? Why would you do that? Damn! Uh—play it off cool! You got this!"_

I got up off of him and strolled real smoothly over to the bathroom door, turning back right before I walked inside. Al leaned up on his elbows and looked at me quizzically. "And don't forget to make the bed Al," I said with a grin on my face. There were two beds in the dorm, one now in a jumbled disarray, and the other perfectly made. It looked like no one had slept in it at all last night… and that's because no one did. The first night that Al came back from the hospital, he had snuck into my bed in the middle of the night. I never said anything about it, and soon, it was just an unspoken agreement that Al would sleep in my bed as well. I didn't mind. In fact, I preferred it that way.

"Why do I have to make it? You're the one who was sleeping in it last Brother!" he fought back, but the smile had fallen back onto his face.

"That's true, but you're the one who threw the covers all onto the floor!" I teased back before closing the bathroom door. I could hear him giggling on the other side. I padded over to the sink and leaned over it, my head bowed. I sighed deeply, and then raised my head to look the in mirror. "What are you looking at?" I asked my reflection. It's never a good sign when you desperately want to kiss your younger brother AND start talking to yourself, so I took my toothbrush and did my daily hygiene routine, hoping that I could erase my crazy thoughts.

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The rest of the afternoon went by like any other day. Al and I went and got lunch at the cafeteria, talked to Fuery and Falman for a bit, and spent the rest of the time in the library, reading. When six rolled around, Al and I went back to our room and got ready for our dinner plans. We each took turns taking showers and Al fused over what I should wear, finally picking out a button down shirt that was in the back of our closet. I wouldn't have noticed if he picked out a clown suit for me to wear; I was too distracted with him standing there in just his towel, hair dripping onto his shoulder and running down his chest, further down his stomach where it finally meet the towel right by his hip—

"Brother, are you going to take the shirt, or just stand there all night?" he asked, tilting his head slightly. I blushed furiously and mumbled something as I took the clothes from his hand, turning away to get changed. Finally, at 6:30, Al and I went downstairs and outside on the front steps where Havoc was promptly waiting to drive us to Mustang's house. We got into the car and Al started to make polite chitchat with Havoc, talking about his day at work. I leaned my elbow on the window and rested my head in my hand, watching as the buildings slid by us. The sun was starting to set and the orange glow off the reflected windows made me think of that evening two months ago.

I had successfully brought Al's body back from the Gate. Both Al and I had been brought to the hospital. Surprisingly, he had woken up before me. Havoc had told me later that he had woken up, calling out for me, begging to see me. The nurses had to restrain him, and tell him that I was in a different room, resting. The next day, when I woke up, they moved me into the same room as him. I still remember seeing him for the first time in all those years…

I snapped out of my thoughts as the car pulled up to a small, two-story house on one of the streets in the more suburban-area of Central. It was sandwiched between two other almost identical houses, just like the rest of the street, except Roy's house was a light shade of gray-blue, unlike the others which ranged from an orange-y color, to gray, to a soft spring green. "The Colonel lives here?" Al asked as we got out of the car.

"Yup," I said casually. I thanked Havoc and wished him a goodnight. He nodded politely and then drove away, leaving Al and I on the sidewalk in front of the gate in the fence.

"I just never thought it would be so…homey I guess," he said, still looking up at the house. I had thought the same thing to myself the first time I saw his house too. Al didn't know it, but I had been to Mustang's house a few times before, but only once since Al got his body back. I frowned slightly at the thought, and Al happened to catch it.

"Are you okay Ed?" he asked softly, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Of course," I said, forcing a smile onto my face. "It's just a little cold out here, is all." With that I opened the gate and we walked up to the front door. Al pushed the doorbell and we stood there in silence for a few moments. I could hear distant footsteps and soon the door opened. Roy stood there with a grin.

"Come on in you two," he urged, stepping back, letting us walk in. We took our shoes off and Al stepped into the hall, taking in the sight of the house. When Al wasn't looking, Roy leaned down and kissed me quickly on the lips. I was so shocked that I almost cried out. Thankfully I didn't, because then Al would have heard. Before I could shoot an angry look at Roy, he walked over to Al, showing him around to the study, saying he had some books that he thought we would be interested in seeing. I just stood there in front of the door. It was going to be a long night.

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_Roy and I had begun dating almost right after Al and I moved into the dorms seven months ago. Al and I needed a place to stay so we could study and figure out how to use the Philosopher's Stone inside his body. One day, about a week after we settled in, Havoc came to our room and told me that Mustang wanted to see me in his office. It was just about five o'clock, so I figured he wanted to ask me about my latest report before he went home for the night. I told Al I would be back later, and made my way to his office. _

_I got to the door and noticed it was closed. I knocked, and almost expected there to be no answer. But instead, I heard Mustang call for me to come in. I stepped inside, and he told me to close the door. I strolled over to his desk and asked what he wanted with me. I tried to defend the honor of the report that I had scribbled down before handing in the day before, but Roy wasn't really listening. He stood up and walked around to the other side of his desk, just mere inches away, his face ridiculously close to mine. Before I could ask him what the fuck he was doing, he wrapped his hand around my neck, burying his hand in my braid and pulling me into a deep kiss. My body went rigid and I couldn't move. I couldn't push him off of me; I couldn't pull my face away from his. All I did was close my eyes and let him kiss me. It wasn't what I wanted, but after so long without physical contact from anyone, not even a hug, part of me was ecstatic from the attention. My hands reached up without my permission and grabbed a hold of his shirt, pulling him closer to me. My mouth opened slightly, letting him take control of the kiss and exploring my mouth. While my body told me yes, my heart ached with unbelievable pain. _

_I knew even then that I was undeniably in love with my brother Alphonse. I had become more and more aware of my feelings as we travelled across the country in search of the Philosopher's Stone. I always cared for my brother, but things began to change. Even in the suit of armor, I fell in love with him. Many sleepless nights, headaches, and tormented dreams later, I accepted that fact about myself. But, I could never, ever act on it. He was my brother. I had made him commit a horrible sin once, and I was never going to do that to him again. So I tried to bury my emotions inside with everything else. _

_But there I was, kissing Roy Mustang, my mentor, my boss, my pain in the ass 90% of the time, and I felt like I would scream. As he ran his gloved hands up my back, pulling my body completely against his, I gave in to his demands completely. I mean, my body had already decided almost right off the bat, but I decided that this was for the best. Maybe, if I tried hard enough, I could fall in love with this man. That way, I wouldn't be a burden to Al, so he could find someone else, so he could fall in love, so he could have a normal life. That was something that I could never give him. True, it would torture me watching Al with someone else, but that was just something that I was going to have to get used to. _

_Roy finally broke the kiss and lingered for a while, his forehead pressed against mine. My body was shaking. He noticed and pressed a kiss on my forehead. Then he took a step back and shuffled his feet sort of awkwardly. I think he was waiting for me to say something (probably some smart-ass remark), but I was speechless. I was completely torn. I let my heart break into a million pieces; the shards ripping through my chest causing never-ending pain. What happened next was going to have to be his move._

_He looked into my eyes, and saw everything in an instant. He saw years of hidden struggles, anguish, and despair. He saw youth that was taken away and replaced with undeserved responsibilities. He saw a boy who was completely lost, and afraid that he would never be able to find his way again. And he saw a man who gave up on himself and his own happiness, broke his own heart, because sometimes pain caused by your own hand was easier to deal with than that caused by someone you loved. Roy Mustang saw all these things and decided that he wasn't going to stand by idly. _

_"Edward, I know that you have seen more pain in your years than you deserve, and I know that I can't possibly understand it all. But if you will let me, I can try to understand, and I can try to ease the darkness that you've been lost in. Just give me a chance."_

_Those were words I never expected anyone to say to me. I nodded my head. He leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips, and started working to piece those broken shards together again, one by one, even if they cut his hands while he did it. _

_When I finally got back to my room, Al was sitting on his bed, reading a book. The light from the lamp made his suit glow an almost orange color around the hard edges. He lifted his head when I entered, and he must have seen the frown on my face, because he immediately asked if I was alright. _

_"I'm fine Al. He just wanted to nag about my report," I lied. Without a second glance at Al, or waiting for a reply, I walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I took a shower for a long time, because with the water going, Al couldn't hear me cry._

_Things are never easy._

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_Author's Note: *dies from writing so much angst* Chapter 3 after another 2 reviews….. pwease? Peace._


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Never Easy

Rating: M overall

Pairing: Royxed, but mainly Elricest

Genre: Romance, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort... that sounds like a terrible combination 0_0

Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?

Warnings: Mature content, language, and violence in later chapters.

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. *sobs in corner*

_Author's Note: Okay, it's been long enough of a wait for this chapter, am I right? This one is rated T I think, but I think in the fifth chapter, it's finally going to be M, so beware. I finally found a beta reader for the moment, and they have been a great help fixing all my stupid mistakes ;) So I hope you enjoy this next part, and I promise I'll have chapter 4 out quicker. _

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"So Alphonse, tell me, how have you been recovering these past two month?" Mustang asked as he passed a bowl of mashed potatoes around the small, circular dinner table.

"Really well I believe," he said, helping himself to some of the green beans. "At first it was really difficult to do small, manual tasks, and my muscles would get tired very easily and cramp up. But after a few weeks of physical therapy and exercise, I was just about as good as new again." Al looked over to me and flashed a grin. He took my left hand for a second and gave it a good squeeze before he let go and turned back to Mustang. I let my eyes linger on Al for an extra moment before I turned my attention back down to my plate. Mustang noticed.

"I'm glad to hear you're doing so well," Roy said. "What have you been doing with your time? We all know I've been working Ed to the bone."

Al chuckled and I harrumphed. "Well," Al started once his giggles died down. "I've been helping Sciezka at the library mostly, but I don't officially work there because the doctors say I shouldn't exert myself too much yet." I noticed a small frown on his face. I knew Al was starting to get a little restless. He wasn't quite as troubled as I get when I'm cooped up, but Al always liked to keep his mind and body doing something productive, even when he was in the suit of armor.

"Well that's good that you've been doing something. When the doctor gives you the okay, let me know and I'll pull some strings and get you a good job there in the library," Roy said in a matter of fact tone.

Al would politely reject the offer; anyone who knew him knew that he tended to be selfless and humble, and that was one of the many reasons that he was loved by the masses. However, we could both tell that he had no real choice in the matter. Anyone who worked with Mustang for long enough would tell you that he worked in mysterious ways that simply were not to be questioned; it took me a while to figure that out myself. Besides, it was obvious that this was just Roy thanking him for all of his help over the years.

"Thank you sir," Al said in almost a quiet wonder. He was blushing slightly.

"No need to call me 'sir' here, right Al?" he chuckled.

"Haha, I guess you're right…" Al smiled back at Mustang. He looked over at me, but I pretended not to notice. I pushed the food around my plate a little bit, put my fork down, and took a sip of my water. He was still watching me, so I glanced over and flashed another phony smile. I was desperately trying to hide the fact that Roy had been massaging my leg underneath the table the whole time, gradually moving up my thigh. Damn that Colonel Bastard.

"So Al, are there any ladies on your dating horizon right now?" Mustang asked, raising his eyebrow in a provocative manner.

I choked on the water that I had been sipping. Al probably thought it was because of the bluntness of the question. Roy knew it was because he had just grazed over my crotch with his devilish hand. I squirmed in my seat, trying to escape his adventurous advances, but he kept massaging my upper thigh, not letting me get away.

"Um, well, not really. I just got my body back after all, and it's not like I had girls lined up when I was in that suit of armor. Not that I really minded," he threw in, glancing at me. "I guess there's Mei, but I don't know…" he trailed off, playing with his napkin.

"You should go talk to this Mei girl. I'm sure she would love to go on a date with such a handsome man as yourself," Roy said, patting Al on the shoulder. "And besides, you need to start thinking about the future, settling down with a wife and kids..." he teased, sounding more and more like good ole Hughes by the second.

I stood up from the table, shaking off Roy's hand as I did so. "I need to use the bathroom," I said, starting to walk over to the hall.

"Are you okay Brother?" Al called over to me.

"Yeah," I said, pausing against the wall. "I just think I'm going to be sick…" And I was telling the truth, although it probably wasn't from anything I ate.

"Well, why don't you use the upstairs bathroom then," Roy urged, starting to get up from the table. "It's bigger and there's a window in there. Some fresh air might help…"

I raised a hand, telling him he didn't need to get up and made my way to the staircase. I already knew where the bathroom upstairs was. Once inside, I opened the window, and he was right. A cool breeze instantly drifted in and it felt amazing against my heated face. My legs were a little shaky, so I propped myself up on the sink.

_"Dammit Al, why do you do this to me?"_

My bangs were clinging to my forehead, hanging in my eyes. I shook them away, but that only caused a bout of dizziness that worked its way through my body.

"_Just relax Ed. It's just a nice dinner with the Colonel. Nothing more."_

Roy's hand on my leg flashed through my head again, and I felt my stomach lurch. I bent over and turned the tap on. I let the cool water pool in my cupped hands for a moment; watching the water slide quickly through the joints in my metal hand.

"_Some things are pointless. Just like this."_

With that, I splashed my face a couple of times. Breathing deeply, I turned the sink off and grabbed the hand towel, making sure I got all the parts of my right hand dried. My bangs were a little wet, but I didn't bother drying them with alchemy. Feeling much better, I closed the window, opened the door, and turned off the light. As I closed the door, I turned around to find Roy standing right there in the hall. I almost screamed. Why did he have to be standing there in the dark like that?

"What are you do—"

"I just wanted to check on you." He said in that calm voice that usually made me want to punch him in the face. Right now was no exception either.

"I'm fine. Or was until I had a heart attack from you creeping like that!"

My nagging didn't really seem to bother him. He slinked his way to close the distance between us. I tried to take a step back, but the bathroom door was right behind me and there was a rather loud 'bang' as my automail hit the wood. I was trapped.

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"It's probably a good idea if I go and check on him," Mustang said as he pushed his chair away from the table and stood up.

"Um… okay," I said. Brother had been gone for a few minutes, and I was starting to worry. Roy placed his napkin on his plate and left the room. I could hear his boots going up the stairs and fade away as he walked down the hall.

I sat there for another few minutes, alternating between playing with the scraps of food on my plate and looking around the kitchen aimlessly. It was clear that a bachelor lived here; just the necessities and almost no decorations. Mustang probably had to do a lot of grocery shopping just to prepare this dinner for us. It was nice for him to invite Brother and me, but I couldn't help but wonder why. Maybe he was just lonely. As I finished drinking the rest of my milk, I heard something crash upstairs.

"Ed? Roy? Is everything okay up there?" I called out slightly. They must not have heard me though because there was no answer. I couldn't even hear voices. Part of me said that I shouldn't go wandering around in someone else's house, but what if something had happened to them? My worries getting the best of me, I stood up from the table and left the kitchen. The stairs were just around the corner and I stood at the bottom of them for a moment. Was that someone whispering? Or was I just imagining it?

I slowly walked up the stairs, being careful not to make too much noise. When I got to the top, I saw that the hallway took a turn to the left. I could definitely hear whispering. Not really knowing what I was doing, I peaked around the corner, and I had to press my hand to my mouth to cover the gasp that I almost let out. Ed and Mustang were a little way down the completely dark hall, but I could just see them from the light coming from downstairs. Mustang had Ed pushed up against a door and his face was very close to Brother's.

He leaned down and started nipping at the skin on Ed's neck. Ed turned his head away from Roy and right towards me, but his eyes were closed. I pulled back a little, but I couldn't look away. I knew it wasn't right for me to watch this private moment, but I was still so shocked. "Roy…" Ed whispered, but it sounded pained, instead of in pleasure.

"Ed… we haven't been alone in such a long time," he accented the last four words with small bites at my brother's collar bone where flesh met steel. "I have to watch you at work and I can't do a damn thing. You're such a tease sometimes…" he trailed off as he sucked gently at his pulse point. He pushed his knee between Ed's closed legs and used his thigh to rub against Brother's groin. I could hear Ed gasp from over here.

"Roy, uh—Al's right downstairs….um—this isn't a good time," Ed said somewhat strained.

Mustang sighed deeply; in frustration. "When is a good time then Ed? You know I've been waiting for so long. I need you," he said dragging his words out, frotting up against Brother again. "You said that you were waiting until Al got his body back. I understand that you didn't want to indulge in such activities when your brother couldn't feel anything at all. But what I don't understand is why you're still waiting. It's been two months, and you've been avoiding me…" Roy growled as he bit down on Brother's neck. Ed gasped, but didn't seem to mind too much considering he moaned afterward.

"Pl-please Roy…" Ed begged, finally pushing Mustang away from him. "I just need… I just need more time." Ed kept his head bowed, looking at his feet.

Roy sighed again, looking defeated. But then he reached over and gently grabbed Ed's chin, pulling his face up towards his. "Alright Edward," Roy said softly. He placed a chaste kiss on Brother's lips and then pulled him into a hug. Ed's arms hung lifeless for a second, but then he gradually lifted them up and hugged Roy back.

"_Get out of here Alphonse! Now, before they discover you here!"_

I shook myself out of my trance, and, as quietly as I could, I snuck back downstairs. I never realized how quiet I could actually be now that I didn't have that clunky armor to carry around. I hurried back to the table and sat down in my seat, hoping that I didn't look suspicious.

_"So Brother and Mustang are together?" _The thought just still seemed so weird to me. It was obvious by their conversation that they had been dating for a long time. Had I really been so oblivious to it the whole time? Why wouldn't Brother tell me? Was he afraid that I wouldn't have approved? Ed knows that I love him no matter what…right? All these questions were starting to give me a headache, but another topic popped into my head, which raised about fifty new questions.

Had Brother been denying himself again? When I had first lost my body, Ed had refused to eat or sleep for the first week. He said that if I couldn't eat or sleep, then neither would he. I had to explain to him that he couldn't reason like that. I told him that if he didn't take care of himself then he wouldn't be able to function, and he would never find a way to get our bodies back. What I didn't tell him was that I also didn't want him to blame himself so much, but apparently he had been doing it again. Sure, sex wasn't necessary, but still. I couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty. If I had figured out sooner that Ed was with Mustang, then maybe I could have been able to talk to him…

I snapped out of my queries. I could hear two pairs of footsteps coming back down the stairs. Ed and Mustang walked back into the kitchen, and to be honest, Ed didn't look much better than he did when he left. I stood up and walked over to him. He didn't hesitate to put his arm around me and lean against me.

"He's still a little sick. It's probably best if you take him home Al," Mustang said, grabbing our coats off the rack in the hall. "I'll give you guys a ride back." He opened the door for us and I helped Ed walk to the car in the driveway, where Ed and I got into the backseat.

During the ride back, Ed leaned up against the window and closed his eyes. I couldn't help but notice a slight pink spot on his neck from Roy's ministrations earlier. I watched Ed sleep the whole ride back. Brother looked so peaceful; a pleasant comparison to the grimace or frown that usually graced his face. As he slept, the stress poured off his face, making him look years younger: it never ceased to amaze me. I used to watch him for hours when I was in my suit of armor. My favorite time had been just as the sun started to rise: the reddish-orange light would make Ed's blonde hair and tanned skin glow. Now that I reminisce about it, I think that was one of my best memories during those years.

We pulled up in front of Central Command. I got out of the car and went around to the other side to help Ed out. "Sorry, we had to leave early Roy. Dinner was really great," I said as Ed leaned against me again.

"Don't worry about it. I had a really great time tonight. I hope you feel better Ed."

Ed mumbled a "thanks". Roy gave us a small wave and drove away. Brother and I slowly made our way back to our room. Right away, Ed plopped down on our bed and barely kicked off his shoes before falling asleep. I sat on my own bed, by the window. I sat there watching a few stray cars drive by every once and a while. I sat there and tried to figure out what the hell I was feeling. The only thing I could actually identify was jealousy every time I thought about Roy. Things are never easy.

_,.-"~^~"-.,_


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Never Easy

Rating: M overall

Pairing: Royxed, but mainly Elricest

Genre: Romance, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort... that sounds like a terrible combination 0_0

Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?

Warnings: Mature content, language, and violence in later chapters.

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. *sobs in corner*

* * *

_,.-"~^~"-.,_

_The first thing I remembered was the sun. My eyes were still closed, but the sunlight made its way through the pulled curtains and manage to hit my eyes; bright enough that I winced and turned my head on the pillow. I tried to open my eyes, but my eyelids felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. It took a few tries, but I finally got it. The blurry room came into focus, and I immediately felt a sense of unease. Where was I? What was going on? I tried to sit up in what I realized was a bed, but my arms refused to move and my stomach muscles barely lifted my back an inch on the bed before I collapsed back down. How long had I been asleep? My head swam and all the muscles in my body screamed at me; if I had to take a guess, I'd say two years. Groaning, I reopened my eyes and assessed my surroundings. There was a thin curtain of salmon pink fabric hanging from the ceiling on the left side of my bed, blocking off the rest of the room from my view. From what I could see though, there was a small nightstand on my right, with only a box of tissues sitting on it, the top looking kind of dusty. There was also a wooden chair placed next to the bed, but it was empty. Most obvious though was the small grouping of machines pinging next to my head. I could hear what I assumed was the beeping replica of my heartbeat, and I couldn't believe I missed it the first time around. I lifted my head and looked down at my flesh arm, only slightly surprised at what I saw. There was a needle in the crook of my elbow; a clear tube trailing off the bed and up a metal stand, originating from a plastic bag filled with a clear liquid. I was in a hospital. _

_Everything came flooding back at once. Al, the transmutation circle, the military ballroom. I tried desperately to sit up again, but I only made it halfway this time before falling back down, moaning in pain. Okay, so that wasn't going to work._

_"Hello?... Anyone?" I called out. My voice was raspy and pain shot through my throat, cracking a bit from being so dry. I coughed, trying to turn onto my side. "Please… is anyone there?" I begged. As I tried again to prop myself up on my arms, I heard a set of heavy footsteps come in from the hallway. _

_"Whoa whoa there, Chief. You need to take it easy," Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc prompted, pushing my shoulders back down slightly, making sure I laid down again. "Here, let me get you a glass of water…" He started walking away, but I grabbed the sleeve of his military jacket._

_"Havoc… Where's Al?" That's all I could muster to say. My heart was beating so quickly, and I couldn't hide it from him either; not with the machine next to us singing my racing pulse. I stared directly into his eyes, looking for any sign of emotion: they softened. _

_"He's upstairs in the ICU unit," he explained softly, turning back fully to me and trying to pull out of my grasp, but I held on tightly. _

_"Is he… is he alright?" I asked. My voice wavered and I couldn't stop my eyes from watering up. His gaze dropped from my face to his boots, so I held his arm tighter, feeling the muscles in my forearm burn from the effort, but I didn't pay it any notice. "Havoc… is Alphonse alright?"_

_"Is my brother alright?"_

_"Is Al?..."_

_"Al…" _

__,.-"~^~"-.,__

"Al… Al?" I sat up in the bed. At first I thought I was still in that hospital bed, but quickly realized that wasn't right. I was in my bed in our dorm room. There weren't any medical machines or needles buried in my skin either, but I was still in my clothes from last night. The room was bright, and I guessed that it was still early morning. There was a soft sighing noise next to me, and I almost jumped out of the bed from the shock, but it was just Al. He was sleeping next to me; his dinner clothes still on too and on top of the blankets. He was normally an early bird, so he must have fallen asleep very, very late, not even bothering with his pajamas as he curled up in our bed.

I sat there on the edge of the bed, but I didn't get up; I watched him instead. He moaned softly in his sleep, probably from all the noise that I made waking up, but he himself didn't wake up. Instead, his breathing slowed again, eyes rolling around underneath his eyelids: he was dreaming. Even though he was sleeping, I could see just how _tired_ he looked, bags underneath his eyes and worry lines on his face. I contemplated sitting there for a while longer, but I had some errands to do, and the Colonel was waiting for me. As carefully as I could, I got out of the bed, grabbed some clothes out of my dresser and got ready in the bathroom. Al was still sleeping as I was about to leave; a frown on his face and tiny moans coming from his throat. Before I could wake him up though, his face relaxed and he quieted again; so instead I scribbled a note and slipped out of the room.

I got to the Colonel's office where my desk was placed in the bullpen with Havoc, Hawkeye, Falman, Fuery, and Breda's desks too. Mustang and Hawkeye weren't there, probably in a meeting. Havoc was leaning up against the wall, drinking a cup of coffee, and he nodded politely at me when I walked in. I smiled back as I made my way to my seat to sort through the stack of paper work that currently made its home on my desk.

"Did you guys hear anything else on the prison break last week?" Fuery asked Falman and Breda, some nervousness in his voice. "I mean, are there any new developments?"

"Nah," Breda said casually, eating a donut and leaning back in his chair, "I mean, the Fuhrer has some men on it I hear, but considering how they're looking for only one guy, it must be pretty difficult."

"What was he, a bank robber or something?" Fuery asked, wringing his hands together.

"No, I heard he was an alchemist," Falman explained. "I overheard Mustang talking about it a few days ago." He looked over at Fuery and saw him worrying his lower lip. "But don't worry Kain, he's probably long gone by now," he reassured, patting Fuery on the back.

"Yeah," Havoc spoke up, "what you guys _should_ be worrying about is finding a date for the Amestris National Day Ball in two days." There was a group moan throughout the room at that comment.

"Oh no," Fuery moaned. "I asked two girls, but they both said they had dates already."

"How about you, Vato?" Havoc asked, walking over to his desk finally. "Any better luck with the ladies?"

"No sir. I'm on the same boat with Kain here." Havoc chuckled at that. "Hey, what about you?" Falman countered, wiping the smirk off Havoc's face.

"Well, I uh… I _had_ a date, but… she changed her mind." Everyone laughed at that one, including me. Havoc shot me a glare and walked over, placing his hand on the back of my neck in what was supposed to be a threatening manner. "What's so funny Chief? I don't see you with a date yet…"

"Please," I said, shaking him off with a smirk, "I don't need a date to go to the Ball." The guys laughed and started talking again, teasing each other about their lack of dates. I sat there at my desk and stared at the pen that I held in my hand. Mustang had told me a week ago that he would be asking some random girl to go with him to the Ball; avoiding suspicions. I think he had expected me to be somewhat upset, but to be honest, I was relieved. Going stag to a party didn't scare me, but going with the Flame Alchemist did.

"I've got the tickets boys." Speak of the devil. Mustang walked into the office with Hawkeye in tow, rolling her eyes. "I got two for each of you; one for yourselves and one for your dates," he explained, handing them out to everyone, pausing when he got to me. "Here are three tickets for you Fullmetal," he said, handing the tickets to me in an envelope. He must have seen the quizzical look on my face, because he explained even before I could ask my question. "I only got you one, since I heard you bragging about going stag to Brosh a few days ago," he said with a huge smirk on his face. It took almost all my willpower not to pop him right in that pompous mug of his.

"But what about the other two tickets?" I asked as he made his way to his own desk and started to flip through the mounds of paperwork.

"Oh, they are for Al and his date. Surely he'll be bringing someone, right?"

"Oh yeah, of course," I mumbled. Al bringing a date never even crossed my mind. Would he even want to go with someone? Did Al even know any girls? Damn, this was quite a headache. I guessed that I would just have to ask him when I got back. Maybe he met someone at the library he could bring. I racked my brain trying to remember if he ever mentioned any girls: there was Sciezka (no), and Mrs. White (definitely not, she was like 90 years old)…

"Here Fullmetal," Mustang said, breaking me out of my thoughts. "I need you to deliver these forms to the office building at the corner of 3rd and 16th. You do that and then you can go home," he explained, handing me a big yellow envelope with what felt like a whole ream paper inside.

"Really?" I asked, raising my eyebrow as I took the package from him. 3rd and 16th was only three blocks away; definitely not an all-day project.

"Yeah," Mustang sighed, that bored look on his face as he sat down again. He went to lean back and relax in his chair, but caught the glare that Hawkeye shot him, so he snapped back up and grabbed a random paper to sign. "There's not much to do around here today, so just go deliver that and we'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright…" I said, shrugging my shoulders and getting up from my desk. I put my red jacket back on and slipped the tickets into my pocket, feeling my heart drop again at the thought of them. "I'll catch you guys later then," I waved to everyone as I walked out of the office with the package in hand.

A few people said "Hello" or "Good day" to me as I walked through the halls to the entrance, but I just waved back politely; going through the motions. I was too busy thinking about this ball to pay much attention to anything else around me. Needless to say, it was going to be a disaster. Mustang would probably creep on me all night (in between wooing fifty some odd women), I would probably have to dance with _someone_ (that was something that I was really not looking forward to), and now this whole thing with Al. I could already feel jealousy course through my veins, and the ball was still two days away. I was just hoping that there would be some good food.

Luckily, being outside finally calmed me down a bit though. It was such a beautiful day out: people riding their bikes, eating lunch out on the patios of cafes, and girls walking around in skirts that were definitely too short. Rounding the first corner to get from 5th to 3rd street, I thought about tactical retreat plans that would help me escape during the ball, but my thoughts were interrupted as some guy ran right into me, knocking me onto my ass.

The guy was easily a foot taller than me, around his thirties, and wearing a white suit. He smirked down at me and said something like, "Watch where you're going, pipsqueak," before continuing on his way.

I was about half a second away from punching him right in his self-satisfied mug, but I realized that I had dropped the envelope and some of the papers had spilled out on the sidewalk. So instead I shouted some choice words, shaking my fist angrily at his back all the while, and probably scarring a few children for life in the process. He didn't even turn around. _Punk._

I sighed and turned back to the scattered mess on the ground. Kneeling down, I started to pick them up when another hand grabbed the paper that I was reaching for.

"Here, let me give you a hand with that," a feminine voice offered, picking the paper up and handing it to me. I looked up, standing before me was Mei Chang.

"Thank you," I said, picking up the last paper and standing up with Mei. I finally got a good look at her, and I was slightly surprised at how she had changed; she was just about my height (harrumph) and she actually looked like a young woman, curves in all the right places and apparently she knew how to work them too in her tight, short summer-dress. I think she caught me staring because she cleared her throat softly, snapping my thoughts back. "Ha, sorry… it's just so great to see you again, and you look great" I covered up, leaning in to give her a warm hug.

She smiled sincerely at me, blushing a little, and playing with her dress a bit. "I heard that you and Al were here in Central…" she explained as we moved to the edge of the sidewalk out of everyone's way. Her face changed suddenly and she looked very serious, "… and I also heard that Al was back," she said, leaning in very close and almost whispering. She looked at me with such hopeful eyes, and I figured that I had probably looked about the same when I asked Havoc about Al.

"Yes, he is," I said, and the worry melted off her face. "I'm sure he would love to see you again."

"Really?" she asked, suddenly beaming.

A thought popped into my head. "Yeah, of course! I know, why don't you come to the ball on Saturday?" I said as friendly as I could, despite that tiny nagging voice in the back of my head.

"What ball?" she asked, smiling even harder.

"The Amestris National Day Ball. Here..." I reached into my pocket and pulled out a ticket for her. "All the info is there on the ticket… You can just meet us there if you want," I explained as she examined the ticket.

"That would be great!" she exclaimed, but then she paused and looked a little awkward. "But, uh… you're sure you don't mind me coming?"

"Of course not! And besides, Al needs a date," I teased with a wink, even though I wanted to throw up.

She giggled furiously at that and shuffled her feet. "Well… okay then. Tell Al I can't wait to see him again," she said with a flourished wave of her hand and started to walk away. "See you boys later then!"

"See you," I said, waving back. Once she was out of sight, I continued on my way to the office building, having an internal battle all the while.

_"Why would you invite her? You know you don't want Al to go with anyone!"_

_"I know, but it's not about what _I_ want, it's what's best for Al. And I guess if I had to pick someone, Mei's one of the best choices…"_

My internal monologue continued along those lines the whole rest of the walk, finally pausing long enough for me to deal with the secretary of the office and hand her the envelope. I left, and while standing on the front steps, took a few deep breathes, and then checked the time: 1:00 pm. Well, it was probably time to go back. As I started walking home, strolling casually and staring up at the clouds most of the time, I wondered if Al was awake yet.

_,.-"~^~"-.,_

When I finally woke up, it was 11:30 am. Damn. I hated sleeping in so late; I always felt like I wasted the day, but it could be worse; Ed sometimes slept until one in the afternoon. I stretched, waking up my muscles, and tried to recall my dreams, but I couldn't. There was a vague feeling of discomfort in my thoughts, but nothing else, and as I inhaled deeply the mingled scent of myself and Ed on the pillows and blankets, whatever little remaining dreams there might have been left in my consciousness swam out of my head with every exhale. Sighing, I sat up, and realized that Ed wasn't in the bed next to me; or anywhere else in the room for that matter.

"Oh, Thursday… right," I mumbled to myself, shaking away the heavy silence that hung in the room. Ed was at work. I got up and decided that I would get dressed, have lunch, and probably help out at the library. As I walked over to the dresser to grab some clothes for the day, I saw a piece of paper sitting on the top. Upon closer inspection, I recognized Ed's handwriting scrawled on it:

"_Dear Al,_

_Went to work. Probably be back around five. Want to go to that Xingese restaurant by the park for dinner tonight? Have a good day._

_- Ed"_

"Haha, that's Ed," I chuckled to myself, "always thinking about food." I got dressed quickly and was about to leave when there was a knock at the door. People rarely visited us at our dorm, never mind in the middle of the day, so a wave of unease rushed through me. I went to the door and opened it a crack.

A man was standing there in front of the door. He was a relatively young man, wearing a white suit. He had his long, black hair pulled into a ponytail with a few strands of hair hanging in his face from underneath a matching white fedora hat. He looked surprised to see me for a second, but then smiled instead, making my skin crawl even though I couldn't place why.

"Uh, hello," he started, his smile looking faker by the second. "I think I might have the wrong room; I'm looking for the Fullmetal Alchemist…" he explained.

I relaxed a bit. The weird vibe was gone now, and I figured it must have just been the awkward moment when he thought he had the wrong room.

"No," I said, trying to sound welcoming, "this is his room, he's just at work right now, but, uh," I paused trying to read his intentions, but I got nothing. "But could I help you with anything?"

He smiled at me again, and for the second time I felt unnerved by it. 'Oh, I'm just a friend," he said offhandedly. "I have something I need to talk to him about. Do you mind if I come in?" he asked, gesturing with his hand.

"Uh… I guess not…" I said opening the door and letting him walk in past me. He took a few steps in, took off his hat, and placed it on the desk. He turned back to me, and make quick glances from me to the door; silently asking if I was going to close the door. Part of me screamed not to, but I did anyways; pushing it slowly without taking my eyes off of him, until I heard it click behind me.

"So, Edward is at work, huh? And he won't be back until later?" he asked, playing with a picture frame of Winry and Granny that we kept on the desk.

"Yeah," I said, uneasy. "I'm—I'm sorry, what did you say your name was again?"

He turned to me and with an outright predatory grin on his face, took a few steps forward until he was just a few inches away.

"Where are my manners? My name is Solf J. Kimblee. It's nice to meet you Alphonse. I've been watching you for quite some time."

Damn. Things are never easy.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Never Easy

Rating: M overall

Pairing: Royxed, but mainly Elricest

Genre: Romance, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort... that sounds like a terrible combination 0_0

Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?

Warnings: Mature content, language, and violence in later chapters.

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. *sobs in corner*

_Author's Note: Okay, this chapter is where the violence comes into play, so hopefully nobody is offended by it. I tried to keep it relatively tame, I mean considering what they show on tv nowadays *shakes fists*. Anywhoozer, I'm just excited that Kimblee-san is here. Let's see what crazy shenanigans he's going to get our protagonists into!_

* * *

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_"_It's nice to meet you Alphonse. I've been watching you for quite some time" Kimblee said as he slowly reached his hand into his jacket pocket.

My whole body tensed and I dared to sneak a quick glance at the door. "_Dammit, why did I close it?"_

"What…what do you mean?" I asked slowly, trying to buy myself some time as I crept back, inching my way to the door.

"No you don't" he growled before darting at me. I was going to try to deflect him, but unfortunately, he caught me off guard, and before I could use my sparring training, he kneed me in the groin. Bright pain flashed through my lower body, and the breath was knocked out of my lungs. Kimblee used that second to easily push me to the ground, on my stomach, and pin my arms behind my back. Damn he was fast. With my face pushed up against the floor, Kimblee sat on top of my back and legs, perfectly positioned so that no matter how hard I struggled, I couldn't shake him off.

Using the duct tape he had pulled out of his pocket he taped my hands together, palms faced outwards so I couldn't transmute. Kimblee got off of me, and from the angle I was facing, I couldn't see where he went. I used that moment to try to get up, but without my arms, I just flopped awkwardly as I tried to get my knees underneath my body, attempting to push myself up. But Kimblee was back a second later and pinned me back to the floor, causing my ribs to scream as they dug into the ground, but luckily, nothing snapped. At least, I don't think so. Snaking one hand into my hair, Kimblee pulled back sharply on my head, twisting it so I faced him slightly. Hot pain shot through my neck from the whiplash, and I couldn't help but whimper out loud. I opened my eyes and saw a huge toothy grin on his face, but then my attention quickly changed to what he was holding in his other hand. It was Ed's tie that he had worn to dinner last night: Kimblee must have grabbing it off the dresser where Ed left it this morning. Almost as soon as I realized what Kimblee was going to do with it, did he quickly press it against my mouth, forcing it painfully across my lips as he began to tie the cloth into a knot behind my head. I couldn't scream or yell for help; if I did then the tie would slip into my mouth, gagging me. My only option was to shake my head, hoping that I could twist out of this makeshift gag.

Kimblee saw that I wasn't going to open my mouth through, so he pulled back an arm, and while chuckling, punched me harshly in my stomach, causing me to gasp out from the pain that ricocheted throughout my body. Without hesitation, Kimblee made quick work with the tie, the fabric slipping into my mouth and pushing down on my tongue. I tried to breath, but only a bit of air made it through the cloth, forcing me to breathe through my nose. Kimblee pushed my head back down, and I felt my left cheekbone bruise against the generic tan-colored tiles. I heard the duct tape roll screech as he pulled off another strip and my feet were quickly forced together as my ankles were taped too. With all my strength, I tried to buck Kimblee off of me, but he was just too big and I couldn't get enough leverage. He twisted my upper body slightly, turning me half way onto my right side, but my hips and legs were still facing downwards into the ground. I think he wanted me to be able to watch him; watch him do whatever he was about to do. Panic coursed through my veins; freezing my blood, contracting my muscles, stopping my breath: paralyzing me.

"_Get out of this Alphonse! Do absolutely anything!"_

My first instinct was to scream, but only a muffled sound came out, not nearly loud enough for anyone to hear. It was the middle of a workday in the military dorms: no one was around. I was completely alone: alone with this psychopath.

"Now…" Kimblee said; his tone that of a person who had finally finished a distasteful chore and could start playing. "Things haven't quite gone according to plan today, but that's alright," he said, almost to himself.

He leaned down so he was completely in my field of vision, blocking out my view of the door. "When I set out this morning, I planned on coming here and killing the Fullmetal Alchemist."

I felt my heart drop into my stomach. No…No, no, no, no, no. Not Brother.

Kimblee must have seen the fear spread in my face because he laughed for a few seconds before continuing. "I bet you can understand my surprise when I bumped into him on the street today, literally!" he paused for another hearty laugh. "Here I was thinking that he'd still be too ill to go to work today. I mean, he did look pretty sick last night."

My eyes widened in shock. How in the world did he know about that?

"I've been watching him for the past few days," Kimblee said, answering my unspoken question, "When he's at work, when he goes to the market, and when you two went to the Flame Alchemist's house last night."

I closed my eyes and shook my head: this wasn't happening, it couldn't be happening.

"Oh Alphonse," Kimblee cooed, running a thumb down the side of my face before I twisted it out of his grasp. My skin was crawling where he touched it. "That's your name right? That's what I heard the blond-haired soldier call you."

He stared at me for awhile, but I refused to turn my head back towards him. I did happen to see though as he dipped his hand into his pants pocket and pulled out a switchblade, hitting the button with fluid ease.

"I'm glad I have this toy to play with while I wait for Fullmetal to return. I hope he's out fucking that little Xingese chick I saw him with, because he only has a few hours left to live," he pronounced while lightly dragging the tip of the knife down the skin on my throat and bit of collarbone that was exposed by my shirt. "You look so delicious Alphonse; I can definitely see why Fullmetal keeps you around." The tip of his switchblade dug into the skin on my chest ever so slightly, drawing just a pinprick's worth of blood. He swiped at the ruby droplet with his finger and then stuck the digit into his mouth, sucking off the metallic tasting fluid.

"Hmm, how should I go about this?" he mused. "Maybe I should spill your guts right now… that way I could use your blood as lube," Kimblee said softly as he used one hand to untuck my shirt from my pants. He slipped said hand under the fabric and rubbed at the skin on my exposed side, drifting slightly to pass over my stomach. My whole body started to shake, and even as I begged myself to stop, I couldn't: the fear was overwhelming.

"Have you ever fucked someone as they died?" that nightmarish grin plastered on his face. "It's absolutely amazing. The muscles contract wonderfully as the body fights off death: it makes for an outstanding orgasm," he remarked as he reached down to start unbuttoning my pants.

I felt myself gag, but forced myself not to throw up. _"But then again, maybe it'd be better if I died right now from choking on my own vomit…"_ I mused, dread joining the panic soaked in every fiber of my being. I struggled to shake those thoughts from my head, but I just couldn't. I figured it was probably around 1:30; still about four hours before Ed came home: before anyone would find me. I allowed the tears to escape my closed eyes. This was it: I was going to die here, after all that effort Ed and I put into finding a way to get my body back, it was going to be broken and used at the hands of this man. And it was all my fault. I shouldn't have let him in, I should've fought harder, and I shouldn't have been so easily tricked. I let Brother down, and with that thought did I finally feel my spirit break. I just prayed that it would be over soon, and that Brother would be okay. I prayed to God that my life would spare my brother's. That was equivalent exchange after all, wasn't it?

It was as Kimblee started to pull my pants off my hips that I heard it: a small creaking sound. It was barely audible, easily grouped in with a thousand ambient sounds, but it was one I couldn't have mistaken. I had heard it every day for the past six years.

It was the creak of an automail limb.

I snapped my eyes open and saw that the door had been pushed open ever so slightly. Through the crack, I could see Ed, crouching down, stalking his prey; becoming invisible. He quickly motioned for me to be silent, and I couldn't help but cry harder; this time in relief.

Kimblee, with his back to the door, never even knew Ed was there until he knocked the knife out of Kimblee's tattooed hand and grabbed his wrist, swiftly placing a transmuted automail blade at the base of Kimblee's throat.

"Don't you dare move," Ed directed, his voice calm and demanding. Kimblee froze, fear visible in his eyes as they darted back and forth, quickly realizing who was behind him.

"Ah, what a surprise Fullmetal. We weren't expecting you until later," he said; adjusting his hips slightly and dropping his other hand down, pulling something out of his pocket with such nimble hands that both Ed and I missed it.

"If you move one more fucking inch without my direction, I will not hesitate to kill you right here," Brother hissed, pressing his automail blade harder against Kimblee's throat, choking him slightly and I could see tiny rivulets of blood slide down the skin and blossom as they reached his shirt. Kimblee coughed slightly, wincing from the pressure on his Adam's apple, but he didn't move. Ed shifted a little, pulling Kimblee's empty hand so that it was uncomfortable twisted behind his back. "Stand up. Slowly."

Very gently, Kimblee shifted his weight off of me, eventually standing up completely. The height difference was a little awkward for Brother, but he still managed to keep the blade in constant contact threateningly at Kimblee's neck.

"Hmm," Kimblee purred, "I guess I must have hit a nerve. What is _he_ to you, Fullmetal?" Brother was silent, apparently ignoring the taunts from Kimblee, but he wasn't over yet. "And here I was, hoping that you'd share your fuck-toy with me."

"You're going to pay for this Kimblee. The whole military is looking for you," Ed warned, keeping his face placid even though I could see his eyes burning with anger.

That little fact didn't seem to bother Kimblee though, a faint smile dancing across his features. "Hmm, I'm sure they are… but I'm still curious Fullmetal, he is nice and tight? I bet he is. Just look at the little slut, he's begging for both of us at once. I'm sure he would look absolutely breathtaking sucking my co—"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH KIMBLEE!" Ed snapped. His breathing was hoarse and his eyes had dilated and darkened. "You say one more word and you're going to die."

"Oh," Kimblee taunted, "I don't think I'm the one who's going to die today." A second knife slid out of the sleeve on his free arm where he had hit it earlier after he pulled it out of his pocket. This knife was slightly shorter than the other one and the blade was serrated instead of smooth. I realized that Ed couldn't see it since he was behind him, so I tried to scream, but almost as soon as I did, Kimblee twisted out of Ed's grasp. Spinning around, Kimblee slashed at the air where Ed had just been, but thankfully he had slipped out of the way. Brother must have been nicked though, because I could hear him gasp and he winced. Kimblee wasn't going to give him time to catch his breath though: he lunged at Brother full force. Ed dodged it again, jumping back towards the beds. I could hear them fighting behind me, the occasional sound of skin hitting skin or metal.

_"You have to help him."_

I pulled on my hands and felt my skin burn as the duct tape held them firmly in place. I fought to push the pain out of my head, wringing my hands, hoping, praying, that I could slip them out of the tape, but I just couldn't do it. So instead I tried to wiggle my way into a sitting position. As I was attempting to use my shoulder to push myself up on my hips, I saw Kimblee's knife: the first one that Brother had knocked out of his hands. It had slid under the dresser; if I could only get over there, I could use it to cut this horrible tape. Brother was quick, but Kimblee was more experienced; if I didn't get myself out of these bonds… I shook the thoughts from my head.

There was a crash from the other side of the room as a lamp fell off the nightstand and shattered. Ed had managed to pin Kimblee down on the floor, his automail blade returned to Kimblee's throat. The second knife was nowhere to be seen, but at least it wasn't in Kimblee's hands. Ed was panting hard, using his knees to keep Kimblee trapped underneath him, and I saw that one of Brother's cheekbones were starting to bruise up; probably from one of Kimblee's punches. Great, now we matched.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right here after what you've done to my brother," Ed commanded, his breathing still very loud and uneven.

"Brother," Kimblee echoed, soft, a grin breaking out on his face.

Ed winced slightly; hearing this sicko breath the word that I said daily with love made me wince too. Ed let out a small growl, and very slowly, pulled his automail back, but not out of mercy: he was aiming, getting ready to strike. I attempted to yell for him to stop, but the gag was still in my mouth. No matter what this man had done, or was going to do, I wasn't about to let Brother have to deal with being a murderer for the rest of his life; not when we had him trapped and could call for help.

With Ed's arm pulled back completely, mere moments away from spilling this man's blood and life along with it, I thought that there was nothing in the world that would stop Ed right now. Thankfully, I was wrong.

The door that was left ajar just an inch was suddenly kicked open full force. The doorknob left a dent in the plaster wall, dust drifting delicately down, powdering the floor.

"FREEZE!"

I looked up and there in the doorway stood Hawkeye, her gun drawn and pointed at the tangles mess of limbs that were Ed and Kimblee. Havoc stood behind her in the doorway, his gun also drawn. Hawkeye slowly stepping into the room, checking for anyone planning on ambushing them. Once it was obvious that it was just us, she made her way towards Ed.

"Are you oka—"

"Help Alphonse," Ed said, cutting her off, not taking his eyes of Kimblee and keeping his arm pulled back the whole time. Hawkeye nodded to Havoc and he went over to Ed instead. Hawkeye knelt down next to me, and first off removed my gag. I felt cool air flood into my lungs again, my heartbeat finally slowing down. She pulled out a small army knife from one of her pockets and very carefully, starting cutting away at the duct tape.

"How did you know we were here?" I asked her as Falman and Breda came in from the hall too. They walked over to where Brother was and handcuffed Kimblee, picking him off the floor and dragging him out into the hall.

Havoc extended a hand to Ed and helped him stand up. "Are you alright, Chief?"

Ed stood up, wincing slightly, and transmuted his hand back to normal. "Yeah, I 'm fine," he reassured, making a quick glance at me. I did notice him slip his right arm around his stomach, holding his side.

"A janitor said he saw a man walking through the building; one who was on the wanted posters he'd seen down at the local bar," Hawkeye said, bringing my attention back to her. "We weren't quite sure where in the building he was, but we heard some commotion over here from the corridor next door. I'm sorry we took so long; it's unforgivable," she bowed her head, cutting the rest of the tape in silence. Finally both my hands and feet were freed, and I rubbed my wrists, trying to get the blood flowing again. It was weird thinking that just a few minutes ago I was so sure I was never going to be able to move my hands freely ever again. That instead of circulating once more, my blood was going to spill out around me; it being the last warm thing I felt as my body grew cold and darkness finally pulled me in. I couldn't help but shake, the extremity of what happened hitting me hard, and I hated myself a little as tears started to run down my cheeks; unbelievably hot, and apparently never-ending.

Hawkeye leaned over and put a hand on my shoulder. "Alphonse, are you okay?"

"Hey Hawkeye," Havoc interrupted; sparing me the difficulty of explaining exactly what I was feeling, which seemed just about impossible right then. "It looks like Kimblee's knife is over here," he said, pointing to right behind me. Hawkeye and I turned around to look at it. Weirdly enough, it too had slid under the dresser, right next to the first one. Havoc used a handkerchief to pull out the second one, and held it up for us to inspect. "Where did this blood come from?"

_CRASH_

The three of us all spun around towards the beds. Ed had his back towards us and he was leaning up against the wall. The sound must have come from his flesh shoulder hitting the wall. He tried to push himself back up straight, but as he took a step forward, he collapsed, sliding down, finally resting on the floor where I noticed a small pool of blood had formed.

"BROTHER!" I screamed, trying to stand up, but I fell back down; my legs still numb from being bound. I crawled over to him, helping him twist slightly so his legs weren't folded underneath him. Havoc was there behind me a second later, holding a pillow case he had grabbed off my bed. He pushed Ed's red jacket out of the way and we saw his automail hand holding his side; blood seeping through the metal joints.

"Brother…" I repeated as I took his hand. I didn't care that mine was instantly covered in blood. He turned his head towards me, and as I used my dry hand to cup his face, he smiled at me; exhaustion etched into his features.

"Heh, he was pretty quick. I didn't even see him pull that knife," he said chuckling, followed by a sharp intake of breath as Havoc pushed the pillow case up against the cut, trying to stop the bleeding. Hawkeye got up and ran into the hall. I was vaguely aware of hearing her call for someone to get a stretcher. Havoc cursed under his breath as the pillow case was completely saturated, reaching for a sheet off the bed instead.

"Al… you're hurt…" Ed almost whispered. I followed his gaze to my wrists: they were red from the duct tape and one spot on my left hand was bleeding slightly from when I had tried to slip out of the adhesive.

"Ed," I chuckled, even though it sounded forced and I could practically feel my heart breaking. I didn't bother hiding the tears as they fell this time. "You need to start worrying about yourself a little," I sniffled.

He smiled at me again.

_This can't be happening. This can't be the last time I see Brother smiling. _

Hawkeye and Fuery came running into the room, a long white stretcher in tow. The hardest thing I did was let go of Brother's hand as Fuery and Havoc lifted him up onto the stretcher and carried him out of the room.

I just sat there in a pool of my own brother's blood: blood that was so similar to mine, but wasn't. It should have been mine here on the floor, staining my clothes. I looked down at my hands: one completely red, the blood cooling quickly on my flesh, the other only smeared in a few places. Hawkeye sat down next to me, taking me into her arms, and there, against her shoulder, I sobbed; turning the dark blue fabric on her jacket black with my tears.

Things are never easy.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Never Easy

Rating: M overall

Pairing: Royxed, but mainly Elricest

Genre: Romance, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort... that sounds like a terrible combination 0_0

Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?

Warnings: Mature content, language, and violence in later chapters.

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. *sobs in corner*

_Author's Note: Sorry this chapter took so freaking long. I went to AnimeBoston last weekend and this week coming up is finals, so I was a busy, busy bee. Feel free to leave a comment to harass me. =)_

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_Even though it took both a nurse and Havoc to help me out of bed, and although my muscles still screamed at me as I slowly got them to work again, I didn't care. Nor did I care as Havoc pushed me in a wheelchair to the elevator, so we could go up a floor to the ICU. All of that was a blur; just small tasks, no longer humiliating or frustrating, and seemingly happening to someone else. I do remember when we finally got to his room; the door closed, defensive against the visitors and nurses in the hallway. I stopped Havoc when he finally pushed me just a few paces away from my goal. I didn't wait for him to help me stand up, and he didn't say a word to me as I softly padded my way to the foreboding door. _

_I knew that just this steel door, painted a soft, pleasing green color, was all that stood between me and my brother, yet I was terrified. My hand hesitated, hovering over the doorknob, creating a reflection of the metal in the equally metal knob. I glanced over at Havoc; arms leaning casually on the back of the wheelchair, and unlit cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth. He smiled at me lazily, nodding for me to go ahead. I took a deep breath, and with my eyes closed, I opened the door and took a step in, closing it quietly behind me. _

_I could hear the machines beeping, so similar to how mine had been. There was the soft rustle of the curtains around the open window, and I could smell the fresh air clean out the overwhelming scent of disinfectant that hung everywhere in the hospital. Ever so softly was the sound of breath, almost lost in the other ambient noises of the building and the bustle of the outside world. My heart jumped into my throat and I forced my eyes open. This room was slightly bigger that what mine had been downstairs, no curtain blocking off the bed, because there was only one in the room. The sunlight from the window drifted in, almost like a subtle spotlight right onto the sleeping form on the mattress, creating a soft halo on dirty-blonde hair. _

_I inched carefully over to the side of the bed, but if you asked, I don't ever remember telling my feet to move. The person on the bed was a boy, roughly judging by his size, not much younger than me, but their face looked so innocent, and I had a feeling that it wasn't just because they were sleeping. I bet those eyes, probably brown flecked with gold, would make anyone's heart melt, defenses fall, anger waver, and no doubt make them fall in love. I knew that feeling all too well. _

_I sat down on the edge of the bed, not taking my gaze off the boy for an instant. I was too afraid to even blink; even as I felt my eyes watered up and spilled down over my cheeks. I lifted my flesh hand and brushed the silky bangs out of his eyes, reveling in how smooth his skin was, and the warmth that I could feel radiate off his body. I gently grasped his hand that rested on top of the blankets. In his sleep, he must have felt my hand, because his fingers tightened slightly, his eyes shifting under his eyelids, and a whisper of a moan passed through his lips. _

_I sat like that for an hour, although I hardly even noticed; time seemed to have stopped forever. Centuries could have flown by, empires rise and fall, and mankind could have completely disappeared off the face of the earth. I wouldn't have noticed. _

_I almost thought that I imagined it when his eyes began to flutter open, gradually, adjusting to the late afternoon light. He looked right at me, his eyes, exactly as I remembered .I had been so afraid I had forgotten._

_"Brother…" he whispered, a smile gracing his face: the most beautiful thing in the world. _

_"Alphonse…"_

_Alphonse. _

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"Alphonse."

"Alphonse is fine Ed, don't worry."

I opened my eyes, and a sense of déjà vu hit me hard, but this time, it wasn't just a dream. I was in the hospital again for real.

_"Goddamnit, every two seconds it seems like I'm in here. What stupid reason is it this ti—"_

Where is Alphonse?

I snapped my attention over to the person who was sitting next to my bed in one of those horribly uncomfortable folding chairs. Roy Mustang stared at me, a weird expression on his face: a mix of frustration, confusion, and disappointment.

"Roy," I said, trying to sit up, but I quickly discovered that _that_ was a task easier said than done as the pain shot through my stomach. He quickly leaned over and pushed me back down on the bed.

"Careful Ed, you don't want to rip those stitches."

Stitches?

Then it all came back to me: coming home, Kimblee, the fight, the knife, and…

"Where's Al?" I almost shouted, but I couldn't help it. Déjà vu hit me again.

"I just told you he's fine," he said, taking my left hand and rubbing it gently, trying to calm me down. "He's in the waiting room with Lieutenant Hawkeye. Last time I checked, he was sleeping on some of the chairs," he commented offhandedly. He stopped massaging my hand and instead moved to push my bangs out of my face. "You know Ed, I was very worried…"

"Where's Kimblee?" I asked, ignoring Roy's touches and hints for affection.

Roy sighed, dropping his hands from me and leaning back in his chair. "He's in prison again, this time, very high security. Kimblee had committed horrible crimes in the past, but breaking out of prison and attempting to murder another State Alchemist was definitely too much in the eyes of the military. He's going to court in a few days, and I'll be shocked if he doesn't get the death penalty."

I sat there, looking at my flesh arm. There was an IV buried in my skin, but I could see a previous mark right next to the needle. They must have given me blood too. Kimblee deserved to die, but not for what he did to me.

I pulled the needle out of my arm and started to stand up, but Roy grabbed me again.

"What do you think you're doing?" he yelled at me, trying to get me back up onto the bed while being careful not to touch my side.

"I'm not staying in this stupid hospital," I said as he finally pushed me back down, forcing me to sit there. "I'm going to get Al and we're going home. He's the one who needs to get rest right now, and not from sleeping on these fucking folding chairs. He needs…"

"He doesn't need you!" Roy snapped at me.

"….What? What are you talking ab—"

"Alphonse is fine!" he said for the third time. He was yelling now, and it was weird seeing him lose control like this. "He's all you ever think about, Ed. Alphonse this, Alphonse that. Well, I'm sick of it. What about me, Edward? Do you ever stop to think about how I might feel?"

I couldn't say anything. This was all too strange. Roy never acted like this; like a jealous schoolgirl. What the fuck was going on? All I could do was sit there as he yelled at me.

"Well I'm sick of trying to deal with the fact that you're in love with your brother and not me!"

That hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Roy, I—"

"Don't lie to me Ed, I'm not an idiot. I see the way you look at him, the way your touches linger longer than they should, even the way you say him name! Even just now, in your sleep, you were calling out his name and not mine!" He dropped his head and finally let go of my arms, but I still didn't move. He paused for a long time, his breathing finally slowed and he lifted his head, looking right into my eyes. Something had changed: he looked like the Roy I knew again.

"Ed, I know that you never used me. You needed someone to show you love and affection, and that day I kissed you in my office, I accepted full responsibility of the job. I saw the pain in your eyes and I wanted to dissolve it all, but I know now that it was never possible; it was never my place." He smiled that smirk that I both loved and hated, and walked over to the door. He turned around, his hand on the doorknob, and looked at me again.

"Goodbye Edward."

And with that, he turned around and left, closing the door behind him. I didn't move for a long time, sitting on the edge of that bed, hands gripping the sheets, and head bowed. I felt my eyes water up a bit, that burning feeling in my cheeks and throat, but I wasn't going to cry.

"He called me Edward," I whispered to myself. "That's what gave him away." I smiled as I finally stood up, and I couldn't wipe it off even as I put my shoes on and grabbed my jacket, leaving the hospital room behind me. Good riddance.

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"Colonel, sir, do you think that was a little over the top? I mean, I could hear you yelling from out here," Hawkeye said casually, standing against the wall across from the door of Ed's room.

I smiled gently at her and started walking down the hall, not bothering to look to see if she was following me because I knew she was; she always did.

"I had to over-exaggerate. If I acted outlandish, then he'd eventually figure it out."

"Figure what out sir?" she asked, although I was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

"So he'd figure out that I didn't mean those angry words; that I was actually giving him a free pass. Edward wouldn't have let me leave if he knew I was doing it for him alone." I stopped, having reached one of the waiting rooms that branched off of the hall. There was no one in the small grouping of chairs and tables except for a boy, who had laid down across three chairs and managed to fall asleep. "That way, we can still be…" but I was too distracted by the boy. I watched his chest slowly rise and fall as he lay there, oblivious to the fact that he was being looked at. I noticed that I felt jealous as I stared at him, but I could never bring myself to hate him, he was almost like a son to me, in a weird sense, but none the less. I cared deeply for him.

"Friends, sir. I think the word you were looking for is friends."

"Yes," I said as I turned back to Hawkeye. She was watching the boy too.

"Should we wake him?" she asked.

"No. Ed will be along in just a minute. Let's let him sleep for just a little bit longer."

"Fair enough." She turned back to me, waiting for me to lead the way, and I did, walking us both down the hall to the exit. I didn't want to be there when Ed found the sleeping boy, when he would gently shake him, waking him up, and when they left together, the younger taking Ed's hand as they walked out. Hawkeye and I would leave Havoc to drive them back to the dorms; we could just take a cab.

The sunlight hurt my eyes when we got outside; standing there on the walkway in front of the hospital, but it was nothing to how I felt inside. I don't regret leaving Ed, but I didn't think that it was going to be so difficult. But then again, things are never easy.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Never Easy

Rating: M overall

Pairing: Royxed, but mainly Elricest

Genre: Romance, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort... that sounds like a terrible combination 0_0

Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?

Warnings: Mature content, language, and violence in later chapters.

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. *sobs in corner*

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_,.-"~^~"-.,_

After meeting so many State Alchemists over the years on our quest, I began to think that the Fuhrer has his 'on' and 'off' days. The Fuhrer is the one who comes up with the titles for the State Alchemists, but some days, he must be tired or something. Take Major Armstrong for example; the Strong Arm Alchemist.

Really?

How much thought did he actually put into that name before he wrote it down and sent that letter off. And Major Armstrong isn't the only one, take Colonel Mustang for example too: The Flame Alchemist.

Are you kidding me?

I mean, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but that's just embarrassing.

So naturally, when I originally thought about my brother's title, the Fullmetal Alchemist, I was amazed at the lack of creativity. But you know what? I'm starting to think that Fuhrer Bradley might have known what he was doing.

Yeah, Edward has two metal limbs, but that's only the surface. Yeah, anyone who talks to Ed for more than two minutes would know that he's pretty headstrong, stubborn, impulsive, brash, and relatively obnoxious at times (no one knows that better than me), but like his name, it only scratches the top layer of who Edward is.

My brother is strong; a perfect example of someone who refuses to let anything stop them. Brother promised me that he would do anything to get me back to my original body, and I knew he would; it was hard not to believe him with his sense of conviction. Edward would do anything for me, but adversely, there was never anything I could do. I owed him my life; I know that and in no way feel confined by it, but Brother always did things by himself.

When Mother died, he never once let me see him cry, although later I would see him, puffy-eyed and his tear-stained cheeks giving him away. He was the one who had to become a State Alchemist; become a dog of the military, a slave to the whims of the state, but when I declared that I would join too, he immediately shot me down. The weight of the world was always on Brother's shoulders, and he wouldn't have it any other way; no matter how hard I tried to break those defenses, built with a horrible combination of love and guilt.

Even the more intimate things in life were things that Brother either completely repressed, claiming it a hindrance to his goals, or just hid away from the world again. Ed has never revealed any kind of affection to anyone…

Except me that is, which never ceases to comfort me.

And physically, I mean, I'm not an idiot; although I never went through puberty myself while in that suit of armor, I know enough to know that Brother must have…urges, for lack of a better word. On occasion, his restlessness would prompt me to suggest a girlfriend, but I quickly learned to stop bothering: Girls were at the bottom of Ed's priority list. Well, thinking about Mustang now, I guess girls were never on Ed's list, but that doesn't bother me in the least. Did he really think I wouldn't approve of something like that? Ed can be so oblivious sometimes. But once again, Brother kept his feeling buried inside.

Even though it takes a lot more work to see these qualities, Edward is passionate, sincere, determined, withdrawn, and above all, strong. So maybe his title does suit him: a fiery personality hell-bent on his goals disguising the guilt-plagued heart capable of so much love, a heart hidden away from the cold eyes of the world; a fullmetal heart. A Fullmetal Alchemist.

I couldn't help but think about these things again as I watched Ed; standing in the middle of our room, apparently musing as he inspected the contents of our closet. I had been watching for the last ten minutes, sitting on my bed, minding my own business, while he rummaged through the mess that is referred to his side of the closet, but I couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"Brother, what are you doing?"

Ed turned his head towards me, which was the best he could do since he seemed to have gotten tangled in a flannel shirt and my winter coat when he was trying to reach something in the back of the closet.

"What does it look like?" he asked as he tried to untangle a piece of his hair from a button. "I'm trying to find something to wear."

He managed to get himself freed from all the clothes, but hadn't managed to pull out that particular article he was looking for, so with a deep breath, he dove back in. I couldn't help but shake my head and sigh.

"But Brother," I said exasperatedly as my patience started to waver. "You're already wearing clothes."

"Oh my god! I am!" he yelled sarcastically, patting himself down like he'd never seen the fabric before, even though it's what he wore every day since we lost our bodies. "Well then, that's going to save me some time!" he teased before he rolled his eyes at me and continued to explore the closet.

"I'm only confused here, Ed, because it looks like you're trying to find something to wear to the ball tomorrow," I explained, finally standing up and folding my arms across my chest.

"Of course I am," he said, although it was somewhat muffled from inside the closet. He finally pulled himself out, holding the item that apparently eluded him for so long. It was a red, long-sleeved, button-down shirt that I had made him buy a few years ago. He had complained that he was never going to wear it, but I had insisted he'd need it one day for some formal occasion. Like tomorrow. "I mean," he continued, "it's not like I can wear these clothes that you've been so nice to point out for me."

Gosh, he can be so stubborn.

"Ed, there's no way you can go to the ball tomorrow!" I exclaimed. "We just got back from the hospital two hours ago. You need to rest!"

He chuckled, ignoring me as he pulled off his tank top. I could feel myself blush slightly, and I was about to advert my gaze, but I noticed the bandages wrapped around his abs. When he turned slightly, reaching for the shirt on the bed, I could see a spot of crimson on his bandaged left side, causing a frown to fall on my face.

"I'm fine Al," he said as he started to pull the new shirt on, pausing when he got to the buttons. I knew that buttons were a bit of a difficult, but not impossible, task for Brother with his automail, so I walked over, sighing dramatically (did I learn that from him?) and grabbed the front of his shirt from him, lining the buttons up and starting to work my way down. Ed let his arms drop to his sides: although he wouldn't ask for help, he saw that it was best to just let me do it, especially when I was in this mood.

"I mean," he continued, his voice low. I looked up at his face and saw he was smiling at me. "I probably won't be able to dance, but I didn't really want to in the first place."

Did I mention how stubborn Brother is?

I finished the last button, and stepped back. Ed walked over to the dresser, looking at himself in the mirror that sat on the top. He looked perfect, and he must have been satisfied with it because he nodded before walking back over to his bed.

"You better find something to wear too Al. You need to look presentable for your date," he teased, flashing me a grin. What in the world was he talking about now?

"What date?"

"I invited Mei for you. I ran into her yesterday," he explained.

_"I hope he's out fucking that little Xingese chick I saw him with, because he only has a few hours left to live." _

Kimblee's words echoed in my head. I could feel nausea and fear drip down into my stomach, my knees felt weak, and I couldn't help it as I started to shake.

Ed was there in an instant, pulling me close to him, and I immediately hugged him as my face buried into his neck and my arms wrapped around his back, being careful of his wound. He folded his arms over me, his flesh hand resting on the back of my head and his automail on my lower back, pulling me closer to him: anything to get me to stop shaking.

Was this going to happen every time I thought about what happened? Mustang told me that we were safe; that Kimblee was never going to see the light of day again, but then why was I so scared? Why did my veins ice over at the thought of him? I felt my face burn, but I wasn't going to cry: I couldn't ruin Ed's new shirt. My breathing hitched, giving away how close to tears I was.

_"Why couldn't I be strong like Brother?"_

"It's alright," he whispered to me, although whether he was telling me it was alright to cry or that everything was going to be alright, I don't know. Knowing Ed, it was probably both. His flesh hand stroked my hair, massaging where my hairline met the back of my neck. I closed my eyes, focusing on just Ed, and I could feel the quakes racking my body start to dissipate.

"I'm sorry," I whispered back. I didn't want Brother to have to deal with this burden too. Even though I never felt safer than I did in his arms, I didn't want him to have to fix me. I could do this on my own.

"Don't be," he said, his voice comforting and warm. "You're not weak or foolish for being scared. Men are fools without fear, and I know you Al. This won't hold you down: you'll change this fear into strength. Just give it some time."

I couldn't think of anything to say. My heart skipped a beat, and the only thing I was afraid of now was him letting go of me.

"This won't last forever," he whispered, sadness in his words, and I couldn't help but think he had more than one intention behind his statement. I hugged him tighter, not wanting him to disappear, and he seemed content to hold me a while longer.

He surprised me when he finally spoke. "I'm sorry Al; I didn't know Mei was that terrifying."

I pulled back and looked at his face. He looked back at me, and a smile slowly invaded his face as he tried not to laugh. It was just too much: I burst out laughing, tears forming in the corners of my eyes and my back ached from shaking so hard. Ed erupted too, and I don't know who was holding who up as we laughed hysterically. I eventually had to stop, just so I could get some air again. I sat down on my bed and watched as Ed walked over to his bed, undoing the buttons on his shirt himself while stifling the few remaining chuckles.

"Fine," I said, giving in. "You can go to the ball. Just promise me you'll take it easy," I begged, trying to gain some handle on the situation.

"I promise Al," Ed confirmed as he pulled off his new shirt and put on his tank top again. I saw him wince slightly when he reached his arms up to slip the shirt on.

_"He better take it easy, although I don't think that's in Brother's vocabulary…"_

"And besides," he started as he grabbed his black jacket, "Mustang would give me such a hard time if I didn't show up after making such a big deal about going stag."

The words were out of my mouth before I could even realize what I had said: "You're not going with the Colonel?"

Ed froze, his back turned to me, but I could imagine the look he had on his face. I sat there, horrified, hands covering my mouth and eyes wide.

_"Oh fuck."_

"How… how did you know about that?" he asked quietly, not even trying to pretend like he didn't know what I was talking about.

I contemplated lying, but I was a terrible liar, and besides, I didn't want to lie to Brother. So finally I spat out, "I found out Wednesday… I saw him… I saw him kissing you."

Brother didn't move and I could see how tense he was. I couldn't even hear him breath. Finally he resumed putting on his jacket. He sighed deeply, letting his shoulders fall and he bowed his head, but he still didn't turn around.

"I'm going to the library," he said, and then walked towards the door.

"Ed, wait!" I called to him, but it was too late: he was gone.

I mentioned how stubborn Brother was, right?

Edward's fullmetal heart has kept him safe from horrible things that would have stopped a lot of people if they had been in his shoes, but sometimes I hated it, because sometimes, it hid the person I knew he could be. Sometimes, it forced him to be alone in the darkness that we had created together. Sometimes it made him harsh and cold when I know that's not the role he wanted to play. And sometimes it made him blind.

"_Why couldn't he just see that I love him too, like he loves me?"_

Things are never easy.

* * *

_Author's Note: Awww, now we finally know how Al feels about all of this. I have to admit it was fun writting about Ed being trapped in the closet, literally and figuratively. There's probably going to be only 2-3 more chapter (depending on if the next chapter is super long, I might break it into two) but I don't know yet. _


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Never Easy

Rating: M overall

Pairing: Royxed, but mainly Elricest

Genre: Romance, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort... that sounds like a terrible combination 0_0

Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?

Warnings: Mature content, language, and violence in later chapters.

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. *sobs in corner*

_Author's Note: Okay, I really didn't want to do it, but I had to break this chapter up. Even so, it's still the longest chapter yet. School ending, being away from the computer for about a week, and totalling my parents car have all been reasons why this chapter took so long, but I'm thankful to the people who have stuck it out. Much love. _

* * *

_,.-"~^~"-.,_

One of the skills that I take pride in is being able to block out anything if there's a book in my hand, but even though I was in one of the biggest libraries in all of Amestris, there was no way I was going to get any studying done. No matter how many times I stared at the text in front of me, begged myself to focus on the formulas and circles, or desperately hoped that the experiments and theories would hold my attention, I just couldn't stop my mind from wandering back to Al.

I don't know why I left. I guess it was because I didn't really want to have to explain anything. If I had stayed, things would have eventually led to topics that I would have to had lie about, and I never wanted to lie to Al.

"_Yes Al, I was dating Colonel Mustang."_

_"Was? You're not anymore?"_

_"No. We broke up."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because he knew that I was only ever in love with you."_

Yeah, that wasn't going to work. I mean, I always knew that Al wouldn't have minded if I told him I was gay. Knowing Al, he probably would have tried to find me a boyfriend (and I couldn't help but shudder at that chaotic scene as it danced across my consciousness before I abruptly pushed it away). I never told him because I was afraid it would eventually lead to more… tender subjects, but the cat was out of the bag now.

Even so, I didn't want to go back to our room. So I sat there, not even bothering with trying to read until the librarian kicked me out at midnight. As I walked the block back to the dorms, I let the warm night air calm my nerves; the quietness of the barren streets soothing me. The sky, unfathomably dark, black as ink without any stars due to the constant glow emanating from the city, however, made me uneasy.

It made me feel alone.

I kicked myself internally; why was I acting like a foolish brat?

So what if very soon, assuming everything goes according to plan, Al starts dating someone? So what if in a short time, Al leaves me, so he can start his own life? So what if because of me, Al falls in love with someone else tomorrow?

Damn, today actually: it was already Saturday.

I could feel my stomach lurch at the thought, but tried to relax as I walked up the stairs to the building. None of those "if's" really mattered, because if—when they did happen, then all the better for Al. It's what he needed; what he deserved. He had every right to live a normal life, and as his brother, I was going to see it out to the end to make sure he got it. That was all I really could do; protect him, and make him happy. I settled the idea in my head as I walked down the hall to our room, I repeated the idea as my mantra as I stood in front of the door and finally entered, and I declared the idea as my oath as I walked over to his sleeping form and crawled into bed with him, falling asleep faster than I would have believed.

_,.-"~^~"-.,_

In the morning I woke up to an empty bed.

"_Great, Al's probably pissed."_

I groaned as I rolled myself out of bed and shuffled over to the bathroom, and started the shower. The hot water felt so soothing against my skin; relaxing the muscles that seemed to have knotted up without me noticing. My side ached a bit as the water ran over my stitches, but I was careful not to let the water hit it directly: I was in no mood for that pain. Not right now.

I got out and dried myself off, re-bandaged my side, and got dressed. Just when I decided that I would go try to find Alphonse, did he walk into the room. Well… maybe "walk" isn't the best word. He tried to creep in quietly, carrying a tray of something, but the door that I had been just about to open hit my foot, causing it to bounce back at him. The doorknob hit the tray, and he started to fumble it, bending to try to catch it, but purely out of reflexes, I reached out and grabbed the edge, steadying the contents that threatened to fall. He looked up at me, wide-eyed and breathing fast; I had probably scared him. To be honest, he scared the shit out of me too. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"What in the world were you doing?" I asked jokingly.

He blushed and finally straightened out in the doorway. I moved back out of the way a little bit so he could walk in. As he passed by, I saw that he has a plate of toast, scrambled eggs, a carton of milk, and a carton of apple juice. He put the tray down on the desk and turned back at me.

"I brought us breakfast…" he mumbled sort of awkwardly as he shuffled his feet.

_"Does he think I'm mad at him?"_ I couldn't help but remember that I had thought the same thing when I woke up.

I walked over to where he was standing and hugged him, surprising him a bit. I pulled back and looked him in the face and genuinely smiled.

"Thanks Al. That sounds just about perfect right now."

He smiled back at me and I motioned to the chairs at the desk. We sat down and ate happily, enjoying the simple breakfast that most people living in the dorms complained endlessly about. As Al recounted a story about a conversation he had with Falman and Fuery down in the cafeteria, I began to think that maybe things were going to be alright.

_,.-"~^~"-.,_

Things were definitely not going to be alright. Why did I get myself in this situation?

Al and I had spent the day like any other; in the library. Things seemed to be alright between us, and neither of us brought up last night. At around seven we went back to our room, Al took a shower, and we both got changed. I wore that red shirt that Al liked so much, a pair of black dress pants, and much to my despair, a black tie. Al wore a light blue-gray shirt, the color of a stormy sky, and like me, black pants and tie. He fused over my hair and tie for a while, trying to straighten both my ponytail and the twisted mess that was my excuse for a tie, and all the while I pretended to complain, even though I didn't really mind. You know, the usual.

Finally at five minutes to eight, we walked downstairs and through the dorms to the lobby of the main building where the ballrooms were. A bunch of people were gathered in the lobby—a high ceiling room full of potted plants, a few couches, and a bunch of art on the walls. I thought that it was going to take forever to find Mei, but thankfully she was standing against the wall closest to us, and it only took a second to spot her. Al and I rushed over, and she didn't notice us until we were almost right there. She turned around and smiled at me, but then her gaze landed on Al. She quickly closed the distance between us and almost tackled him with a hug. He smiled and laughed after he caught his breath.

She pulled back and just stared at him, her eyes sparkling and a huge grin on her face. "It's really you," she said, and Al smiled down at her again. "It's so great to finally see you Al," she said as she pulled him back into another hug.

"It's good to see you again, Mei." They finally broke apart, which was good because I was starting to feel a little awkward. "Wow," he gasped, still looking at Mei, "you look wonderful."

She did too. Her hair was in its usual braids but she wound them into buns on her head, showing off her long, graceful neck. She was wearing a long purple-pink Xingese dress with a collar and short sleeves, which had clasps on one shoulder. She was slightly taller than when I saw her last, but when I looked down her long legs, I discovered she was wearing heels. She really did look beautiful.

She giggled and blushed at Al's compliment. They started talking for a bit, but I didn't want to listen, so instead, I looked around the room. There were a lot of people who I had never seen before with a sprinkling of familiar faces, but most people had already gone into the ballroom. I saw Second Lieutenant Havoc walking towards the huge double doors to the ballroom with a pretty brunette I had never seen before on his arm. He saw me and I witnessed a look of shock pass over his face before it melted into a smile and he waved. I waved back; taking note that I was probably going to get a lot of that from the people who knew about what happened Thursday.

"Well," Mei said, touching my arm to get my attention. "Should we go inside?"

"Sure," I said, forcing a smile on my face. Al nodded happily and the three of us made our way to the ballroom through the throng of people. There must have been two to three hundred people mingling in the huge room, but my mind was elsewhere: I couldn't help but think about the last time I was in this room. That day, I had been afraid that I would never see my brother again, and the same thoughts floated through my head this time too.

This was a bad idea.

My head swam, and I had to close my eyes against the barrage of visual intake. In my dreams I had seen this same room dozens of times, a memory that refused to fade; the haunting recollection of that dying afternoon cooling my veins and freezing my body to the spot. The constant buzz of conversations all around me and the music dancing over our heads, adding to the volume, seemed to escape my ears. There was nothing but the oxymoronic hum of silence.

But something broke through the silence.

_Thunk… thunk… thunk…_

_"Brother?"_

"Brother?"

I snapped my eyes open and saw Al's face right in front of mine. I had almost half-expected to see an armored helmet with glowing eyes staring back at me, but those bronze eyes greeted mine. Even though I could see worry playing across his face, I couldn't help but feel instantly relaxed. I glanced around and saw that no one was watching me, thankfully, and Mei seem to be distracted by the bustling atmosphere.

"Are you alright, Brother?" Al whispered to me, still leaning in close, trying to be discreet. I realized that he knew what I had been thinking about, so I didn't even bother to hide it.

"Just some old memories, Al, but I'm fine now," I said, patting his shoulder and leading him further into the room, following Mei. He gave me one more concerned look, but I must have convinced him because he eventually smiled again, the tension easing out of his body. I didn't want him to be worrying about me all night. No, because tonight was all about Al, even though he didn't know it.

_,.-"~^~"-.,_

There were about three dozen small table positioned around the outskirts of the ballroom, with a long, raised table at one end for the Fuhrer and his family, a stage at the other where a band was starting up with a song, and the middle of the room was devoted to a dance floor. I offered to take Mei's jacket and small clutch, where I brought them to an empty table and sat down. The evening progressed about as I expected; Al and Mei wandering around, making chitchat with people they recognized, dancing together occasionally, and coming back to the table every so often to check up on me. I wasn't just sitting in a corner by myself though; lots of people came to sit and talk with me. I spent almost an hour talking with Havoc at one point, him tipping back a few glasses of champagne while I sipped water, listening to some of his more ridiculous tales from the military. All in all, I was having myself a pretty good time.

Havoc got up eventually to go find his date and I thought that maybe I was going to get some quiet time to myself, but no such luck.

"Hello Fullmetal. Are you having a good time?"

I spun around in my seat, forgetting momentarily about my stitches but hastily remembering them as they screamed at me. I caught the look of concern that passed over Mustang's and Hawkeye's faces and the two of them shared a look at each other before they turned back to me.

"Of course I am," I said smirking up at the Colonel. "You didn't think a little flesh wound was going to stop _me_, did you?"

Mustang chuckled and smiled down at me. He look like was genuinely having a good time, and he looked great too in a black tux. Hawkeye still gave me that worried glare though, but she was absolutely stunning in a light blue dress with her hair down.

"Well, don't have too much fun, Fullmetal. I expect you back at work come Monday," Mustang said with that infamous smirk on his face. I was relieved to know that my desire to sock him when he did that was still there.

"You better believe I'll be there," I said, giving him a warm smile back. He and Hawkeye moved on, disappearing into the crowd. I thought that it would have been difficult to see him again, but… it was reassuring. He was still going to be there for me when I needed him; that I could always count on.

"How come you are not dancing, Mr. Elric?" Mei jested as she sat down at the table next to me, knocking me abruptly out of my thoughts. She seemed a little tired and out of breath from dancing. I tried to look around for Al but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Al?"

"Oh, he's over there talking with Sciezka," she said, motioning vaguely with her hand behind her. "But you haven't answered my question yet. Seriously, why aren't you dancing? And don't tell me that you're too cool to dance Mr. State Alchemist because I saw The Flame Alchemist dancing just a few songs ago."

I cracked up at the thought of Mustang dancing, causing Mei to give me a playfully frustrated look.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Just a funny image," I explained and she joined in with the laughter a bit. Finally I calmed down long enough to talk. "Well, it's pretty complicated," I started, ignoring the impatient huff she gave me, "but long story short, I got hurt, _like always_, and I just can't physically dance tonight. I might rip a few stitches," I said, touching my side for emphasize.

"Oh my goodness! Are you alright? Did you get in a fight?" she asked and she honestly looked distressed.

"I'm fine, I promise," I reassured her. "And… something along those lines." It wasn't that I didn't trust Mei with knowing what happened, it just wasn't entirely my story to tell. In my opinion, if Al wants her to know, then he can tell her when he is ready.

"Do you just have stitches?" she asked me, her faces suddenly going serious.

"Yeah, ten I think."

"Come with me," she said standing up, picking up her purse and grabbing my arm. I was sort of reluctant to follow her, but I didn't really have a choice as she dragged me across the room to the doors leading to the lobby. She was surprisingly strong for someone so little… thinking back, I think Al once said the same thing about me when we were kids. I punched him in the stomach for that one. He punched me in the face. Needless to say he won.

Before I realized it, we were standing in front of one of the offices a few rooms down the hall from the ballroom. It was dark inside, but the door wasn't locked I discovered as Mei turned the handle and pulled me into the room with her. She closed the door behind us, walking me over to a windowed wall in-between two desks where she finally dropped my arm and rummaged in her purse. I was sort of uncomfortable; the room completely dark except for where the moonlight shone through to illuminate the patch of floor directly in front of us and absolutely no one around. But before I could ask what in the world we were doing in an abandoned office, she pulled out a piece of chalk and five small knives.

Quickly, she kneeled down and drew what looked like a transmutation circle on the floor, although it wasn't one I had ever seen. It was relatively large, but it only took her a second to produce. She stood up and without any warning, harshly threw the knives at the floor with one hand. Amazingly, each knife stood up perfectly at one of the points of the star circumscribed within the circle.

Note to self: Never get Mei angry.

She turned to me and wordlessly undid my tie and began to unbutton my shirt.

"What are you doing?" I asked panicked.

"It's called Alkahestry," she said calmly, pausing from undoing my shirt.

"Alkahestry? I once read a mention of it in a book, but I have no idea what it is. Is it like alchemy?" I asked, looking back at the almost-transmutation circle.

"Yes," she said taking a step back from me. "It's what my people practice in Xing. It's similar to the alchemy your people practice, but instead of using the energy from the earth, we use the dragon's pulse."  
"Dragon's Pulse?"

"Mhmm. It's the energy that flows through all living and non-living things. A persons' own energy, or chi, can be manipulated as well." She took my hands and pulled me over to the circle. I almost didn't want to step into it, but I did. She pushed down on my shoulders, forcing me to sit while she knelt down next to me.

"Are you talking about human transmutation?" I asked bewildered. This Alkahestry was a completely foreign idea to me, and the things that Mei were saying seemed rather fantastical.

"Not quiet, but almost. I can manipulate the human body to some degree, curing mild ailments and even fixing minor injuries," she said, smiling up at me.

"Are you saying you can heal up my wound?"

"I think so," she said, "but I'll need to take a better look at it to be sure."

I took the hint and finished unbuttoning my shirt, but I still felt a little awkward. She helped me undo my bandages, being gentle as she peeled the last layer off, breaking some of the scabs that had formed from my shower. She whispered a quiet apology, but studied it quickly, finally sitting back on her feet.

"Well, it is a pretty deep wound, but I should be able to fix it relatively easily. Never the less, they'll still be quite a scar."

"That doesn't matter." I watched her as she inspected the wound a little bit more, probably trying to work out what she needed to do. Before I could stop myself, my thoughts came out like word-vomit, "You're in love with my brother, aren't you?"

She paused briefly but then kept working without looking up at me. "I think I might be falling in love," she whispered. "What I want now is the chance for that to happen, that is, if you'll allow it," she said, finally looking up at my face.

"You don't have to ask me," I said shaking my head slowly. She stared at me for a minute, reading my features, before she smiled lazily and looked down again.

"Thank you. That was better than if you had said yes."

I didn't really have anything to say back to her at that, but I understood what she meant.

"Are you ready?" she asked me, inching back a little so she wasn't in the circle anymore.

"Uh, I think so. Do I just sit here?"

"Yes sir. This might be a little painful," she warned before she placed both hands on the edge of the circle.

_"I'm no stranger to pain."_

The circle lit up instantly and I could simultaneously feel the energy course through my body. It was a vague tingly sensation, but the wound itself started to burn. I looked down in time to watch as the skin inched to close up on itself, making me a little nauseous from the illusion of my skin literally crawling. I closed my eyes, feeling a little dizzy, but when I opened them again, the blue light had disappeared just as quickly and effortlessly as it had come. I chanced a look down at my side again and saw that the tiny black threads had elongated and were now standing like tiny gates over a pathway that was now a new scar to add to my collection. I was afraid that the thread was still in my skin, but Mei reached over and quickly brushed the strands away, causing them to fall off and land silently on the floor.

I stood up quickly and reveled in the fact that my stomach cooperated with me. Stretching a little from side to side, I noticed that there was just the smallest ache from the muscles around where the cut had been, but the intense, heated burn of the wound was gone completely.

"That was amazing!"

Mei stood up after she brushed off the chalk circle and removed her knives. She seemed to be enjoying the fact that she had proved just how powerful Alkahestry really could be.

"I never knew that Alkahestry could do that! Al and I will have to do some studyin—"

_"How much longer do you really think Al is going to stay with you?"_

"Ed?"

I looked at Mei and saw she had a sad look on her face, although _why_, I wasn't really sure.

"Mei," I said, gently taking hold of her arms and looking down directly into her eyes, "I love my brother Al immensely. All those years we spent looking for the Stone, the only thing I ever wanted was to get his body back. Now… what I want most is for him to be happy. If he can find that with you, then _I'll _be happy. Do you understand?"

Her eyes were shining in the moonlight and I saw that they were tearing up a bit, but at the same time, there was resolve in those orbs to not cry; to be strong. I appreciated and respected that.

"Of course."

And I trusted her. I trusted her to do what was best for Al like how I always tried. I trusted her to be the partner that Al needed and that I could never be. In a way, I was intrusting her with my heart.

Things are never easy.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Never Easy

Rating: M overall

Pairing: Royxed, but mainly Elricest

Genre: Romance, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort... that sounds like a terrible combination 0_0

Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?

Warnings: Mature content, language, and violence in later chapters.

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. *sobs in corner*

_Author's Note: I used two songs in this chapter, "I'll Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie, and "Anywhere" by Evanescence. Oh, and I know in Amestris there isn't Bangkok, Calgary, or FDR, but the song called for them and I need his quote. _

* * *

_,.-"~^~"-.,_

Where in the world was Brother now?

It was about five minutes to midnight, so I had decided to go back to his table so we could leave, but of course, he wasn't there. Did he go to the bathroom? Did he get up to go talk to someone? Knowing Brother, I wouldn't be surprised if he had gotten himself into some country-threatening mission in the span of twenty minutes since I saw him last and was now out saving the world: it seemed to be a common occurrence with him.

Now that I thought about it, where was Mei too? As I stood there at the empty table, probably looking very lost, I didn't notice as Ed and Mei strolled back into the room. So of course, I missed that fact that Ed was no longer walking with a limp.

"Hey Al, you alright?" Brother asked, putting a hand on my shoulder warmly. Regardless he still made me jump a bit; I guess I was just going to be jumpy for a while. His eyes drifted over me for a second, checking to make sure I was fine before I even got a chance to answer. That was Brother, impatient as ever.

"Yeah, I was just looking for you guys."

"Oh, we were just—um, getting some air," Brother said. I glanced at Mei and saw that she seemed a little upset, but also like she was trying to bury it down as she looked at Ed. Obviously they weren't telling me everything, but I wasn't too worried; if it was something important, Ed will tell me at a more appropriate time.

"Oh, okay… Well, the party's almost over, so do you want to—"

"Can I have everyone's attention?"

We spun around and the Fuhrer was standing up from his seat in the middle of the table. The room went silent, people shushing their conversations and the band was still since their song had already ended.

"I would just like to thank all of you for coming tonight to celebrate the glorious day that this beautiful land became the nation that we are proud to represent today."

There was a brief pause for people to clap, but then the Fuhrer raised his hand, silencing the crowd again.

"Times may be hard before us, but no matter how much turmoil our country may face, we need to be strong, devoted, and courageous. For a wise man once said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself'." The Fuhrer picked up his glass of champagne and raised it. "Now, there are only two songs left for the night, so everyone dance, drink, and be merry."

People with drinks raised their glasses and the rest broke into a round of applause. The band started up a song with a slow tempo and acoustic, slowing it down for the end of the night. It sounded rather peaceful, a harsh comparison to the almost threatening speech. People seemed to have been comforted by the promise of strength and brotherly cooperation, but I wasn't blind to the warning of troubled times. The Fuhrer had practically said to our faces that we were going to war and the people had applauded, but Brother and I had seen enough war to know that the things the Fuhrer had promised were simply not plausible. War doesn't unite, it divides.

"Al," Ed said, "would you dance with me? That is, if your date doesn't mind." He flashed a grin to Mei, but she looked at him seriously for a moment. It looked like they were silently exchanging some conversation in the span of two seconds before she turned to me, smiling.

"Of course not."

I was pretty shocked: Edward wanted to dance.

With me.

In front of everyone…

Before I could question what exactly he was doing he grabbed my hand and led us onto the dance-floor. I looked around and saw that just about _everyone_ was on the dance-floor; making me very nervous. What were all these people going to think when they looked over and saw two boys dancing together? Never mind the people who knew we were brothers!

Ed spun around, still holding my right hand with his left, and wrapped his automail around me, resting his hand on the small of my back, leaving me to awkwardly put my empty hand on his shoulder. I could feel where the metal fused with his skin through the thin layer of fabric, mentally kicking myself as I resisted the urge to explore further with my fingertips. He slowly started rocking us back and forth with the music.

"Ed, what—"

"We're dancing," he said as if that was the most normal thing in the world. True, Brother had a weird sense of what was normal and it was one of the reasons I loved him, but I was thoroughly embarrassed. The burn in my cheeks could probably be felt by the throng of couples dancing around us. And the fact that I caught several of them shooting glances over our way didn't help in the least.

"But—but everyone's looking at us."

"Let them look." It was full of resolve and that pride that Ed always carried around with him.

_~"Love of mine someday you will die_

_But I'll be close behind_

_I'll follow you into the dark."~_

I felt myself shiver at the words ringing though my head and I was sure that Ed felt them too, but when I looked up at Ed's face, he didn't show anything acknowledging it. His head was bowed, thick eyelashes resting on his cheeks as he blinked lazily, looking at our hands clasped together. Usually it was easy for me to read Ed's body language since he so rarely said what he actually felt, but I didn't understand what I was looking at.

He seemed sad; like when Mom died. That was the only thing I could compare it to. I mean, he had cried when Nina died, but this wasn't the same sadness. It seemed to be a reminiscing sadness, not guilt, which hung around him, even though there was a hint of a smile on his face.

_~"If Heaven and Hell decided_

_That they both are satisfied_

_Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs_

_If there's no one beside you_

_When your soul embarks_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark."~_

"Brother?"

"Hmm." He finally looked back at me and it was painful to see how beautiful those golden eyes were.

"Weren't you ever afraid?"

"When?" he asked. His gaze was strong, and I could tell he was already figuring out his answer.

"When you returned me back to my body. When you fought Kimblee… Weren't you ever afraid for your life?" I noticed vaguely that my eyes were starting to water, but I dismissed it.

He looked back down at our hands and gently rubbed his thumb along the side of my hand. He was wearing his usual white gloves, hiding his automail from the public, but I wished that I could feel his skin. It was always so warm, and it was that warmth, that _life_, that I had missed the most while in that hollow prison.

"I was always more worried about yours," he said quietly, but I was so close to him to begin with, he didn't have to speak up.

"You're so hard-headed Brother," I said tenderly.

The corner of his mouth turned up and he chuckled. "I know, but what's the reason this time?"

"Because you could have…" I paused, swallowing the treacherous lump that formed in my throat, "you could have died. I know you're always trying to protect me, but the one thing that would hurt most, Brother, is losing you."

He looked surprised by my words and that only made me want to shake him. This shouldn't have been a surprise; he would have known this long ago if he stopped blaming himself and thinking he had to do everything on his own. But that was Ed in a nutshell, and once he got an idea in his head, it was almost impossible to change. No matter how much I begged.

"Al…" he whispered.

_~"You and me have seen everything to see_

_From Bangkok to Calgary_

_And the soles of your shoes are all worn down_

_The time for sleep is now_

_It's nothing to cry about_

_Cause we'll hold each other soon_

_In the blackest of rooms."~_

Was he really going to be like this? Was he going to act like he didn't know what I was talking about? Was he going to ignore the fact I placed my heart right in front of him for his taking? This was so typical of Brother: giving, giving and giving, but never taking. Sometimes you just had to force him to accept.

_"Aww, screw these nosy people."_

I rested my head on Brother's shoulder, my face in his neck and our bodies pressed together. He was tense for a second, but then nuzzled my head with his face before resting his head on the top of mine and continued rocking us back and forth. God, he was so warm, it soaked into my skin, melting my muscles into puddles. But he was holding me up and together, so it was perfectly fine.

_~"If there's no one beside you_

_When your soul embarks_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark_

_Then I'll follow you into the dark."~_

The music started to die and with it, I could feel a piece of my heart groan in pain.

I didn't want him to let me go.

I thought about yesterday and how I had wanted the same thing. It didn't seem fair as he gently slid his hands from me, drifting apart; fading away.

I could almost hear my heart screeching to a halt.

"Brother…" I tried to beg, but Mei was there at my side in an instant.

"Do you mind if I cut in?" she asked Ed.

He shook his head softly as she took my hand and mimicked the same position I had just been in a second before. Before I could wrap my hands around her, Ed placed his hand on Mei's shoulder.

"Mei," he said, his face quickly changing from serious to light-hearted, but it seemed fake to me. "Make sure you take care of him, alright?"

She smiled cheerfully at him, "Of course I will Ed."

He gave a quick nod before turning away and drifting through the mass to the wall. As the last song started up, I saw him rest his back against the blank wall; him being its lone decoration. Mei started moving us, but I didn't really notice; I was lost in his eyes, even from across the room. Brother had that kind of power, even if he wasn't entirely aware of it.

_~"Dear my love haven't you wanted to be with me_

_And dear my love haven't you longed to be free_

_I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you_

_And at sweet night you are my own_

_Take my hand."~_

"Are you having a good night?" Mei asked.

"Yeah," I answered automatically; my attention was still on Ed. He dropped his gaze, staring at his feet.

_"Why did he let go?"_

_~"I have dreamt of a place for you and I _

_No one knows who we are there_

_All I want is to give my life only to you_

_I've dreamt so long I cannot dream anymore_

_Let's run away I'll take you there."~_

The sound of Mei's voice drifted somewhere in the back of my head as she spoke, "I was thinking Al, maybe after the party, you could come back with me to my hotel room." Nothing took root in my brain though.

He had asked me to dance, he had held me in his arms, and… and everything had been alright.

_"The one thing that would hurt most, Brother, is losing you."_

_"Al..."_

I nodded my head weakly, hoping that it would cover whatever Mei had been saying. I didn't mean to ignore her, but I couldn't focus: It felt like the world was caving in around me, suffocating me.

_"Why didn't he say anything?"_

_~"We're leaving here tonight_

_There's no need to tell anyone_

_They'd only hold us down_

_So by the morning's light_

_We'll be halfway to anywhere_

_Where no one needs a reason."~_

Mei pulled herself closer to me and I didn't protest as she held me tightly. I noticed she was warm too. Over the top of her head I could still see Brother, a solitary statue; motionless except for his slow breathing. His bangs covered his eyes as he hung his head. It almost looked like he was waiting… or crying.

_"Why won't he look at me?"_

_~"Forget this life_

_Come with me_

_Don't look back you're safe now_

_Unlock your heart_

_Drop your guard_

_No one's left to stop you now."~_

He glanced up at me, and I caught it just in time before Mei kissed me.

_,.-"~^~"-.,_

I know I was supposed to be paying attention to Lieutenant Hawkeye, especially considering how she was my date, but I was distracted.

I watched from across the room as the music crescendoedand Mei leaned in, wrapping her hand around the back of Alphonse's head and pulled him down into a kiss. He seemed unsure of what to do for a moment, but he let his eyes close and relaxed into the kiss, although his eyebrows furrowed and he seemed a little uncomfortable, but it was subtle. Even though the kiss was beautiful, despite being awkward, it was the last thing I cared about.

I snapped my attention to the other side of the room where Edward stood against the wall, and just like I thought, he was watching them too. It was his reaction that I wasn't expecting.

He smiled.

It was a the ghost of a smile, his eyes and head dropping before he inhaled deeply, and I realized just how pained that one simple smile, that no one was meant to see, really was.

He pulled himself off the wall, and without looking up again, turned away and slipped out the doors. I started to take a step forward to follow him, but a hand fell on my arm and held me back. It was Hawkeye; her face stern, giving me that look that made most men freeze in their spots. So I stepped back into my place next to her, dropping my head to stare lamely at the drink I was holding. She surprised me by keeping hold of my arm and pulling me closer to her. Riza had that way of knowing exactly how you were feeling; reading your deepest emotions, and finding the best way to comfort you, all without ever saying a word or asking a question. It was that quiet, warm, intense power that I loved most about her.

"It's Al's place to chase after him, Sir," she said coolly and professionally despite the intimate body language she gave off as she leaned her head against my shoulder.

I looked up from her and turned back to Al. He and Mei broke their kiss, ever so delicately, and she stayed leaned in, keeping as much body contact with him as possible.

"But will he?" I asked to no one in particular. Riza was silent.

Al gazed at Mei for a few moments, basking in those dark deep pools that men could easily get lost in, but suddenly his head snapped up and he searched the wall where Ed had been standing just a couple of seconds prior. I witnessed the ecstasy from the kiss run off his face as he stopped trying to find his brother.

The music started to die and Mei pulled herself out of Al's arms. From all the way over here, I could see the look of disappointment that she was trying to keep off her face. She plastered on a smile and uttered something quickly to Al, although there was no way I would have been able to hear it; never mind with the applause of everyone for the band creating a thundering echo through the room. He looked shocked for a moment, registering her comment. He began to protest something but she promptly shushed him, talking a little more. When she finished, she stretched up on her tiptoes and gave him a peck on the lips, and almost reluctantly took a step back from him. He looked unsure for a moment, but he said what I could swear looked liked "thank you", smiling at her tenderly before he pushed his way through the crowd and jogged out the doors too.

I didn't want to look back at Mei; I couldn't stand to see the expression that dawned on her face. I felt like such a voyeur already, I just couldn't bear to witness another personal moment like that; not after I had seen Ed.

Hawkeye reached up and surely pulled my face down to hers. "Come home with me tonight Sir," she said.

I didn't know if she was just taking pity on me, or whether she knew that her company was really what I wanted most right now; because with her, I didn't have to pretend to be anything I wasn't. She knew everything about me, about my past, about Edward… and yet, here she was inviting me home with her. If I had to take a guess as to her motives, I'd say it was the second reason, because those hawk's eyes saw more than they let on.

So I let her take me home, but the whole time as we left, I couldn't get that image of Edward's face out my head; those sad eyes holding back so much more than anyone could imagine.

Things are never easy.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Never Easy

Rating: M overall

Pairing: Royxed, but mainly Elricest

Genre: Romance, Angst, Horror, Hurt/Comfort... that sounds like a terrible combination 0_0

Summary: Things have never been easy for the Elric Brothers. Why would love be any different?

Warnings: Mature content, language, and violence in later chapters.

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Fullmetal Alchemist. *sobs in corner*

_Author's Note: Okay this is the last chapter of 'Never Easy'. I switched around perspective a lot, so I hope I didn't lose anyone. Also, this chapter has some lemony qualities (I don't know, modest lemon?) or whatever you would call it._

* * *

_,.-"~^~"-.,_

As I ran out into the lobby, I quickly realized that I had no clue what I was doing. I skidded on my feet as I tried to stop suddenly, almost falling head over heels (literally) as the inertia kept me sliding on the slick, polished floor. To be honest, I hadn't even noticed that I had broken into a run until I had practically burst through the double doors and saw the awkwardly filled lobby. The only reason I hadn't fallen straight on my ass was the almost comical wind-milling my arms did before I had finally caught my balance. I stood there a second: my feet shoulder length apart, knees crouched, and arms out, like I was expecting the floor to suddenly tilt out from underneath me. As I caught my breath for a instant, feeling my heart beat creep down from its maddening pace, I noticed that the smattering of idling partygoers in the room were staring at me. I think I heard one girl giggling from across the room. I observed almost as if from another entity outside of myself that with the ridiculous combination of flushed cheeks (from a kiss), heavy breathing (from a nervous sense of dread), and now that floor sliding stunt, that I probably looked utterly and completely insane.

_"Well, if you're done training for clown school, why don't you try using your brain for a second?"_

I wasn't truly surprised to notice that the voice inside my head was Teacher. She had a point after all: I had a problem.

Where in the world was Edward? Sure seemed like a common enough question.

I looked around the lobby, and even though there was about a dozen people altogether, every one of them shooting me odd side glances probably afraid I'd start doing something crazy, none of them were Ed.

_"Where would he go?"_

I started running through a list of people we knew in Central, but all of them were here, so that was a no go. I was pretty sure he wouldn't leave Central, but where _would_ he go then—

Duh, the library.

I had even begun to take a lurching step towards the doors, getting ready to run again, when that plan crashed around me. It was already past midnight: the library was closed.

I could hear a few people gasp as they witnessed me do my quick fakeout before I froze in place again.

_"Great Al, you're scaring the general public. Calm down, will ya?"_

It hurt a little bit to realize that it was Ed's voice that time, but I took the words to heart.

_"Screw these other people, they shouldn't be staring in the first place. Now, where else could Ed go? Think simple."_

This time the answer didn't flash into my head, but dissolved in, revealing itself, and gave me that extra second to decide that I really had the right answer this time before I turned slightly and started running again; not towards the doors, but down the hall. I'm sure those people were glad to see me go.

_,.-"~^~"-.,_

_"You should go after him."_

_"What- what are you talking about Mei?"_

The hallways were a blur as I rushed through them; doors to empty offices and dark windows revealing an empty world flashed through my vision although I didn't really see any of them.

"_I'm say you should go after Edward. He asked me to make sure that you were happy, but… I don't think that I could ever really do that. I care about you very much Alphonse, but you are not mine."_

_"But—"_

_"No 'buts' Al."_

The stairs seemed never-ending, a mundane path suddenly turned into an obnoxious obstacle. I pushed my way up them, ignoring the burning in my calves which started to seep in as I took the steps two or three at a time.

_"No 'buts' Al. You two need each other, and I can't come between that. That's why I'm telling you to go after him; because he's your home and your heart, and you can't let him slip away."_

As I sprinted down the last few halls, the last lap, I remember her leaning up to give me a peck on the mouth. I was warm and her lips were soft, and I couldn't help but remember that Ed's lips had been that soft and warm when he had kissed my forehead. I wondered what Ed's lips would feel like against mine, how they would fit together, how gentle or hard he would push them against mine, and how he would taste. I pushed the thought away as I rounded the last corner.

_"Thank you for the kiss Alphonse."_

_"Thank _you_."_

I hope she knew how much I really meant it when I thanked her, because without her, I wouldn't have been standing at the door to the dorm, turning the knob, and going inside.

_,.-"~^~"-.,_

The dark dorm never seemed less homey, even when Al and I had first moved in. We had been so close to getting Al back to his body and this small, used, generic room seemed like it was going to be our first home ever since we burned down the only other one we had ever known. I remember feeling hopeful for the first time ever since that day when we decided to go through hell and back, even if it killed us, in order to get things back to normal again. I remember feeling… well, happy.

I stood in front of our military-issued desk. The books and research notes scattered across it, mingled with miscellaneous personal belongings, made it hard to believe it had ever been empty. I began to think about how things had changed so much as I braced my weight on my hands which laid across what little space was left on the surface of the desk. My side didn't hurt anymore, but that didn't mean I wasn't in pain.

I had been happy then, but now, things were a different story. Sure, to the outside eye, things hadn't changed that much. But if you looked closely, really plunged yourself into the events which past not even ten minutes ago, and if you looked deep at what those events would snowball into then you would see that chain reaction that was already starting to form, changing any plans that I…we, might have had for the future. Everything had pivoted when she had kissed him. With that kiss, she took his innocence (well, the innocence of love; the rest had been forced out of him long ago). With that kiss, she became the new focus in his life. And with that kiss, she had stolen the only person that I had ever really cared about, loved, away from me.

And the kicker of it was, the part that made the throbbing, burning, falling, wreckage of my heart scream out even more, was that I had hoped she would do it. I had wanted her to pull him as far away from me as possible: for his own sake.

That's why I was shocked when he burst into the room like he was on fire and jumping into a pool. "What are you doing here?" I realized I shouted it, but probably because he had scared the shit out of me.

"What… does it… look… like?" Al said, slightly out of breath.

"N-no. You shouldn't be here…you should be with Mei," I stuttered to figure out what in the world was going on. "And why are you panting?"

"I…was …running," he forced out as he placed his hands on his knees for a second before taking a deep breath, slowing down his heart.

I stared at him for a second, eyebrows furrowed. "Oh…wait! Why were you running?"

He looked at me, wearing an expression that clearly read 'that's-a-damn-good-question'. "I… I don't know," he said slowly, sounding like he was just admitting it to himself. This was just ridiculous.

"Al! You need to go back downstairs. You don't want to keep Mei waiting."

He shook his head and stood up straight again, shutting the door behind him before he casually rested against the wall with one shoulder. "Mei isn't waiting for me."

"What?" I couldn't believe this. Things were not going according to plan, and I could feel my heart start to race.

"Mei isn't waiting for me," he repeated, knowing that I had heard him the first time. "That's why I came up here…" It looked like he was going to say more, but he held back.

I stood there and I figured that I probably looked like a teenager who just found out that they couldn't go out with their friends because of their failing grades: confused, disappointed, and rebellious.

"Al, you have to go back downstairs and find her before she leaves. She really like you and you can't just leave her hanging like that."

"But Brother—"

"Just go Al! Do it!" My voice crept up higher in volume and I could practically feel the silence slap me as the last drifts of my shouts bounced off the walls and the reverberations faded. I turned around and leaned on the desk again, my head bowed. I didn't want Al to see my face twist in pain. I didn't want him to see my eyes start to water. I didn't want him to see me break.

There were just the awkward, soft whispers of air passing smoothly from Al's lungs and the faked, slight hitching breaths from me. When I had used that tone of voice, ninety-nine percent of the time it made Al listen and obey. That voice said "I know you might not understand, and you might think I'm doing the wrong thing, but you have to trust me." Over the years and as his older brother, I perfected it from many times when I had to make a tough decision and didn't have time to explain. Al had learned over the years that he should just do what I said, because eventually he would discover that it was the right thing to do. Well, it turned out to be that one percent of the time when he didn't listen.

"No." It was soft, yet at the same time I could practically feel it slap me in the face and I actually flinched from it.

I sighed deeply, letting my shoulder fall with my chest. "Alphonse—"

"No! Don't 'Alphonse' me!" His voice was harsh and his own name came out like a hiss. "I'm not going downstairs or anywhere for that matter! I'm staying right here with you!"

"_Good. I never wanted you to leave anyways. Stay. Stay with me. Promise you'll stay and I'll promise to never let you go. Just don't leave."_

_"_Leave Al!" I shouted at the desk before me. My hands curled into fists on the surface of the desk, slightly crumpling some notes. I shut my eyes tight, futilely fighting the tears I desperately wanted to go away. This wasn't what I wanted to happen. I wanted him to be happy and for me to be able to fake that I was too. I never wanted to hear my own voice filled with so much hate. Never at Al, even if I didn't mean it.

"No!" he shouted back almost instantly. "I… I know what you're trying to do so… stop it!"

"I don't… I don't know what you're talking about," I said still refusing to turn around.

"Don't try lying to me Brother! This whole thing with Mei was planned wasn't it? I know exactly what you've been doing! You think that you're doing what's right; what will make me happy. You think that being with _Mei_ will make me happy. But have you ever stopped and asked yourself what _I_ want, Brother?"

I finally spun around, only half because of what he said, but the main reason was because of how he said it. And when I turned around, what I saw shocked me and confirmed what I had heard. Al didn't sound angry or resentful, but hurt and lonely. His voice was cracking and his breathing was hitched. I saw tears rolling down his cheeks, tipped from his eyes by his slightly bowed head. His hands were clasped into fists by his sides, his feet slightly parted; looking like he was bracing himself against a tackle. What surprised me most was that even with his tears and shouts, he didn't look like a child throwing a tantrum, but rather like a wife finally telling her ignorant husband that she was tired of being ignored. Tired of being passed over. Tired of being alone. Al didn't see me seeing any of this though, because he eyes were closed as he continued right along on his speech.

"Well, _I_ know what I want! I've known for a long time. I… I only ever wanted you Ed!" he was still crying, the only evidence was his wet cheeks and wavering voice, but a fierce blush was rising on his cheeks as well. His eyes were still closed, making it easier for him to confess. "I only loved you Brother and I know you feel the same way! I can see it in your eyes when you look at me just as clearly as I know you can see it in mine! I… I…" his voice started to fail as his throat began to choke up, but he pushed through it, "I don't want to be with Mei. Don't you understand Ed? The… the only way I could be happy is… is with you."

I had enough of this. It had to stop.

_,.-"~^~"-.,_

With my eyes closed, I didn't see Ed turn around to watch me while I shouted and cried; letting everything out because I had been hurting for so long with it trapped inside. With my shouts, I didn't hear his breathing slow and become steady again; like he was preparing himself for some trial. And even after I finished yelling, with my blood rushing in my ears and my heartbeat in my throat, I couldn't hear him close the few feet between us. But I _could_ feel it as he slid one hand behind my neck, burying it in my hair. I definitely felt his other hand slipping around my waist to rest on my back as he pulled me flush against his body. And without a doubt I felt it when his lips connected with mine, instantly changing any shock I might have felt into pure heat.

Realistically, the kiss probably lasted only five seconds, but it felt like I had been swept out to sea for days; and when he lightly broke the seal between our lips, I felt as if I had been abruptly washed up on shore again, but it was alright, because he was still holding me.

"Al… I…" he whispered, his forehead pressed against mine, breathing the same air as me.

I knew what he wanted to say, and understood at the same time why he was having trouble saying it.

I love you: Brother had said it to me many times over the years, sometimes followed by a 'no-matter-what', or a 'you-idiot', or more often with a simple 'Al'. But this time it was different. This time, those three small words, those eight letters, meant more than anything Ed had ever said before to anyone. It was amazing how one simple act could change something so drastically.

"It's alright," I whispered back, "you don't have to say anything. You were never very good with words, anyways." He chuckled softly at that. "Show me instead."

And that's just what he did. Instead of a tone, he used his hands; touching, massaging, exploring, before finally divesting my shirt and trousers and pulled me with him onto our bed. My hands matched his. Instead of words, he used his mouth; nipping, licking, kissing, as he roamed over my body, not missing any place he could reach. My mouth matched his.

Everything felt so strangely wonderful to my new-found body. The skin burned and crackled with every touch, the muscles screamed in a pleasurable tension, while my heart thudded furiously, flooding every vein to full capacity. I was being pushed and pulled, rocked and stilled, all while feeling both nervous and comfortable, and in both pain and constant bliss. I never wanted it to end.

I looked up into Brother's face and instead of asking for permission with his voice, he asked with his eyes. Those eyes were so powerful. Edward's lustrous amber eyes were always my favorite part of him: they could suck you in, they could push you away, and they could melt you in an instant. His eyes always could tell you what Ed was feeling if you took the time to look, something Roy Mustang could have been able to tell anyone; and this time they glowed with affection, desire, lust, and conflictingly, timidness, doubts, and awkwardness.

I held his face in my hands and kissed him deeply and languidly, reveling in the sensation of his body on top of mine. I took a page from his book and silently nodded, never breaking eye contact.

He laid tender kisses down my neck and chest to tell me that he would be gentle, and he was as he showed me exactly what levels of pleasure my body was capable of reaching while pushing me to limits I didn't know I had. Pain swirled into pleasure until I couldn't even recognize the two apart, and I craved more.

Edward actually spoke only once.

"I love you, Alphonse," he breathed into the shell of my ear as he broke down the last remaining barrier between us, making us physically what I had already known for years: that they two of us were one. The measured, rocking waves threatened to drown me; to fill my lungs, my heart, my bones, my _entire being_ until I exploded with raw emotion, or sensation, or both. I could feel everything at once and at the same time my brain struggled to recognize it all. With my mouth I could taste lips, tongue, traces of my own skin, and even the thick air that flooded my burning lungs. With my hands, I could feel the silky strands of hair that looked like stolen sunlight, the raised, velvety scars that marked the borderland of flesh and metal, and Brother's heartbeat which met my fingertips at the top layer of skin on his chest. With my eyes, I could see two chests rising and falling together with quick, shallow breaths, muscles flex and tense under sun-kissed, battle-marked skin, and a pair of gold eyes which saw deep into the darkest, most-remote places of my heart which I have laid out for him.

I could feel my body reach unknown territory, peaking towards some mysterious summit. The edge raced towards me and I quickly succumbed to it, tipping over, but I wasn't afraid of falling, because I knew he would be right there to catch me. My toes curled, my back arched, and my throat screamed Edward's name all without my permission: I was too lost in the blazing white oblivion that shocked every nerve. Vaguely I could feel him tense against me and I knew Brother was just as lost as I was, and as the stars faded, breathing resumed, and hearts slowed, I also knew that Brother and I had found each other.

_,.-"~^~"-.,_

Things are never easy. I learned that when my mother died when I was still just a little child.

Al and I had lost everything just because we had dared to get back the one thing that had meant most to us. The two of us were broken, and watched as dozens of other people were broken as well. The two of us faced death time and time again, and not just for us. While watching everything slip from our fingers, I had begun to think that equivalent exchange only applied to alchemy.

But while I laid there, Al in my arms, deep in sleep already, and my own tiredness starting to overpower me, I thought that maybe everything was going to be alright. Sure, things were never easy, but that didn't seem to matter anymore as I drifted off and knew that when I woke up, it would be a different day; that Al would be there by my side, and we would face the day, and whatever trials it brought, together.

* * *

_Author's Note: Okay finally done! I'm sorry that it took so long, and thanks to everyone that commented and stuck with it. I definitely gained an appreciation for chapter fics... I need to just write some good ol' pr0n now. Have a great day, and remember, humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return._

_~Silvergray_


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